Tuesday, January 23, 2007

State of the Blog

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Madam Malkin, Vice President Reynolds, Members of Kos, distinguished commentors, and fellow Large Mammals:

This rite of custom brings us together at a defining hour – when comical posts are hard and spellcheck is tested.

From the start of this blog I've tried to "bring the funny", be sometimes relevant, and even serious now and then. From the start of this blog, I never tried to be fair or balanced...to Scott Harper that is.

Two years and five months ago, I started this little site to express my asinine opinion and to take my fart jokes online. I still have lots of farts and more asinine opinions than a Saturday night bingo game, but like a case of gonorrhea, this blog has ran it's course. As of tonight, GOP and the City will become inactive.

While I'll continue to be active in politics, I plan to take my drive out of the blogosphere and into the "real world". I haven't declared that I'm a Democratic presidential candidate like everyone else. I plan on volunteering my time to help out the Rudy 2008 campaign. I have not told the wife, so keep it between me and you.

This site has 247,746 hits as of right now. Most were google searches for nude pictures of Mario Vasquez, however I did have a few people who were regulars. I am proud of the number of posts that drove people to laugh or call me stupid. I am proud that my brother and I put MoveOn.Org's feet to the fire and got them a little red in the face - and my graphic on Brit Hume's The Grapevine. I am proud of the one interview for Allman and Smash that I did. I am proud that my mother and grandmother liked this site (reasons #1 and #2 for me not creating posts with words like cock, dickweed, and Cleveland Steam Plate). Most of all I am proud of the people I have interacted with because of this blog to name a few: RFTR, Wyatt, Kitty, Pam, Cowboy Blog, Bob Owens, Rusty, VtheK, Brainster, Frank J, Sobek, Flip, and countless others.

Those of you that are already missing my sweet words, I will still post over at Blogs4Bauer. I will also continue to contribute over at UrbanElephants - even though it sometimes seems that all I add are the weekly Hillary Clinton caption contests. I will also keep this blog from being deleted, because I will still visit your website and leave silly comments that do nothing but make you scratch your head and wonder who the hell I think I am.

I tried to remain anonymous on this site mainly because I work in an industry that frowns on anyone left of Keith Olbermann. No despite what you have heard, I'm not a crack whore from Philly. However, I also wanted to let fellow New Yorkers know there's a Republican in your midst and I could've been anyone - the guy who cuts his finger nails on the E-train today (dude that was sick). I could've been your buddy, cubical mate, or even the guy who stole your lunch from the office fridge. After so long, my cover has almost been blown countless times. Like the time I accidentally hit Control-P and printed the whole blog to an office printer next to my office and didn't realize it for hours. My cover has almost never been blown. Because I am The Man.

Blogger sucks and God Bless America.
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Has Jack Bauer Jumped the Roof?

I have been a fan of Fox's 24 for some time. But after last night's episode, where Jack climbs on a roof to save a man from a crashed helicopter, I have to wonder about the future of this season's plot line.
Has Jack Bauer Jumped the Roof?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Jack Bauer is Back! (again)

Will the old Jack Bauer return tonight? Will his new ability to glow in the dark hurt or help his kill counter point total? Will the ghosts of Ryan Chappelle and Curtis Manning seek revenge?

Check out Blogs4Bauer's Kill Counter Challenge.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Weekend Caption Contest

Obama Who? Caption Contest
(Source - AP)

Top Entries
-Cowboy Blob
4. "step right up, step right up, see your freaks and geeks in the Deomcrat house of horror's, yes it's true you will see the bearded lady speaker Pelosi, and hillary without her make up, Step right up folks! - Sssteve
3. Obama holds a press conference in front of the only living thing with bigger ears than him: circus elephants. - Wyatt Earp
2. Announcing he is officially running for President, Obama introduces his running mate in '08...Carrot Top - Renee
- Alan

Photoshop Entries

- Alan

-Cowboy Blob

Previous Contests
Edwards Eats Babies
Merry Hillmas
Castro Caption Contest
Joyeux Anniversaire Caption Contest
Holiday Caption Contest

Caption Contest Classic (1/20/06)
Mission Accomplished Caption Contest

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Generation Duhhh

Teaching American History is very important, especially parts of our history that we are not too fond of. I grew up in a town where a major Civil War battle took place. We learned about the Civil War from our teachers in Tennessee History, US History, and even World History. We were taught the reasons for the Civil War (slavery, states rights, blah blah) and the results.

Every major civilization has its internal conflicts, and America was able to grow into a better place because of it. Now to the story at hand, a school in Clarksville, TN got some attention because of the way they taught the Civil War.

Ringgold Elementary gained national attention this week because of an activity that took place in November, when students were randomly paired as slaves and masters to illustrate pre-Civil War America.
Interesting, however you know that some dumbass student would have to ruin it for all the students.

The activity, which had been in place for four years, drew criticism when one student continued acting out her role as a master in a subsequent class. Math teacher Lettie Kendall said the student told her she didn't have to complete a math assignment because, as a master, she didn't have to listen to Kendall, who is black.

"I said, 'Why aren't you working?' " Kendall recalled. "She jumped out of her chair and said, 'I'm a master.' "
The role-playing activities have been canceled. I'd hate to see what happened when it came time to teach about the Holocaust.

(Source - Tennessean)

Carnival of Bauer!!!

The Carnival of Bauer!!! has been posted at Blogs4Bauer

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

24 Point/Counterpoint

Point: No they didn't!
By Perez Hilton

Did you see 24 the other night? Tragic! Can you believe that horrendous shirt that Jack had on? Put a bro on those manboobs, there are children present! Then there's Chloe, oh what a walking disaster area. This brings me to the point of this post. Why did the terrorists nuke LA? What do they have against very pretty and somewhat important people?

What is the point of having a bomb go off like Axel Rose on a 3 week bender in Sunny SoCal? We can only hope to the celebrity Gods (like P.Diddy) that the nuke went off and will only affect parts of LA where the ugly people live.

Hayden Christensen. Princess Skankienna swears he's not gay. But then again, who cares, he's probably dead now?

Our pal John Stamos was the belle of the ball at the NBC after-party for the Golden Globes. However, he never made it to my post-after-party. A little birdie told me that he was in Valencia for a coke deal. Looks like the Full House reunion is off!

Then there is Justin who bolted the after-party after Cammie D got too clingy. Clingy like Jack "ManBoobs" Bauer's t-shirt! Did he survive the nuclear blast or is there still hope that he gets back with the Backstreet Boys?

Only ManBoobs Bauer can ensure that Lindsey, Britt, and Paris survive to live another day. Another day of getting blasted and showing their crotches off to the world! Without LA, where will our beautiful people live? Santa Clara? With four more nukes left, let's hope that the terrorists think twice before attacking any more pretty people.

NY Post Booty Poll

Today's NY Post has an interesting poll on what Americans are doing in between the sheets. Since this is a family site somewhat geared towards politics, I will skip all the juicy parts and dish out the boring part about politics in the bedroom.

Other facts not released by the NY Post Booty Poll:
-Democrats are more likely to blame Bush for poor performance in bed; Republicans tend to cite the 2006 election results.

-Republicans may use text messaging to initiate sex with Congressional Pages; Democrats are more likely to use cigars and interns.
-Democrats are more likely to want to have sex with Obama, even though they are not sure why.
-94% of Republicans find it gross that Time magazine's list of emoticons for 2007 included one for those who are "not ashamed to admit I have a slight crush on Nancy Pelosi".

Got other results that were not listed in the Post article? Post them in the comments section and remember to try and keep them somewhat clean.
(Source - NY Post)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

24 Opens with a Boom

All I have to say about last night's episode(s) is "wow". Can you believe they killed Curtis and nuked LA in one segment? More coverage at Blogs4Bauer.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Weekend Caption Contest

Silky Pony Caption Contest
(Source - Associated Ponies)

Top Entries
6. (both thinking) "Boy I'm sure glad I don't have to change his diaper." - Rodney Dill
5. "Now, if only your birth had been bungled, I could have made a killing in malpractice fees!" - Damian G
4. The blood of the innocent! So THAT's how he maintains his youthful appearance! - Cowboy Blob
3. "You shouldn't be so happy, kid, because there are two Americas, and you live in the crappy one." - RFTR
2. John Edwards eats babies - My sister
-Cowboy Blob

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Jersey Lawmaker Creating a Stink

After polluting the air over New York earlier this week; New Jersey isn't done being a foul neighbor. Assemblyman Louis M. Manzo (D-Hudson) wants to sue New York City. "We should sue them, and sue them bad," said Manzo.

Manzo has gone gonzo over more than just the finger pointing. He wants to sue for the environmental damage that New York has supposedly dumped on the Garden State.

Louis, who I think is around 8 years old also stated "Maybe New York should be called the Rotten Apple instead of the Big Apple," Manzo said. "Maybe New York officials should be reminded of the old maxim: "Ye who smelt it, dealt it."

Well Manzo, what about all the trash from New Jersey that comes trhough the bridges and tunnels every night? In order to pay the legal fees, New York should start a Guido tax on anyone riding on NJ Transit after 6pm who's wearing a wifebeater or sports a "running to fast" hair cut.

(Source - NJ.com)

Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Premier

Blogs4Bauer has posted the new and improved kill counter. This season, Jack Bauer will be working on a points system.

Check out the whole post here.

Kill Counter© Guidelines
1. Only kills made by Jack Bauer will be counted.
2. Jack Bauer has to be present in order for a kill to be counted. No mind-control crap.
3. If Jack Bauer kills himself, a paradox will be created thus ending any future use of this kill counter and/or could end the world as we know it.
4. If Jack Bauer dies, the Kill Counter© will go on. Because...
5. If Jack's ghost kills someone, it counts.
6. Bonus points will be awarded if Jack goes beyond the call of duty in killing someone by taunting and/or torturing before killing them.

Point System:
Jack Bauer kills someone with a gun (1 point)
Jack Bauer kills someone with a knife (1 point)
Jack Bauer kills someone with explosives (1 point)
Jack Bauer kills someone with his bare hands (2 points)
Jack Bauer kills a cougar (3 points)
Jack Bauer kills another member of CTU (-1 point)
Bonus Points:
Jack Bauer tortures someone before killing them (+1 point)
Jack Bauer says something cool before killing them (+1 point)
Jack Bauer says something cool and tortures someone before killing them (+2 points)

Sharpton 08 - Get off your hymie!

NEW YORK - Civil rights activist Al Sharpton said Monday he is seriously considering a run for president. "I don't hear any reason not to,"

The Sharpton Dream Team
Sharpton 2008

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Pequannock Chainsaw Massacre

"The pen is mightier than the sword" - Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Two roommates in New Jersey got into an argument that quickly escalated and culminated with an arrest and a hospital visit. Nelson Negron and Charles Demarest got into a heated exchange shortly after Mr. Demarest began working on a laundry machine. The noise of the task caused Mr. Negron to become upset and confront his roommate. Here's what happened next:

Feeling threatened by Demarest, Negron started a small chain saw and raised it toward his housemate, according to Spring, who said Demarest then threw two pieces of split wood at Negron, cutting his face badly.
Negron was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and possession of a weapon for unlawful purpose.

The wood is mightier than the chainsaw

(Source - North Jersey)

The Dream Team - Sharpton 08

NEW YORK - Civil rights activist Al Sharpton said Monday he is seriously considering a run for president. "I don't hear any reason not to,"

Al Sharpton needs some help forming his cabinet. Here are some suggestions I have for Al's Dream Team:
President - Al Sharpton
Veep - Rev. Jesse Jackson
The Administration for Children and Families Outreach Director - Michael Jackson
Department of the Interior Secretary - Hillary Clinton (someone has to sweep and mop the White House floors)
Department of Transportation Secretary - Xzibit

Who else would you suggest could help Al Sharpton in his run for President?

Sharpton 2008

Mullah Cimoc is a douchebag

I had a comment posted by a "Mullah Cimoc" on my Al Sharpton 2008 post yesterday. After reading it, I realized that after looking long and hard, I finally found someone who was as dumb as or more so than any of Scott Harper's friends. By the way, "Cimoc" is "comic" spelled backwards, so take his rants with a grain of salt.

While the whole comment can be viewed below, I'll call attention to one segment that I found amusing.

Every child slaughtered in Iraq is 6000 more ameriki women become sluts with the LBT (low back tatoo). Bush is actually destroying amerika, all the while making the ummah stronger.
So Mullah Cimoc manages to tie in children killed in Iraq, women getting the "LBT", and Bush in two sentences. Wow, even Cindy Sheehan cannot tie those together in less than three. However she has been known to tie Israel, Spongebob SquarePants, and Bush in two.

I did a quick Google search on "Mullah Cimoc" and found that he has been posting asinine comments all over the place. Places like One Marine's View, The Swamp, One Utah, Arghhhh!, The Washington Note, Perri Nelson, Blue Star Chronicles, The Big Pharaoh, Daily Pundit, Black Five, The Bullwinkle Blog, Ace of Spades, Wizbang, and a few others.

Here are some of his email addresses:

Here's his entire comment.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Al Sharpton 2008

NEW YORK - Civil rights activist Al Sharpton said Monday he is seriously considering a run for president. "I don't hear any reason not to,"

Steven Pagones could not be reached for comment, however here at GOP and the City, we say "Go for it AL!" What do you have to lose? Your dignity?

Al Sharption for President in 2008!

Little Ten Conference: Overrated

Florida - 41
Ohio State - 14

GLENDALE, Ariz. (AP) -- Everybody got it wrong except the Gators.

Last night, Florida kicked Ohio State, almost every sports writer in the country, and the Big Ten Conference in the teeth. Even though I loathe Florida almost as much as their cross-state rival Florida State, I have to say they put on a great show last night.

It was textbook SEC football and before you could dot the "i" in Ohio, the Buckeyes were sent packing, their over-hyped Heisman winning QB spent more time running than a hillbilly on COPS and more time on his back than an intern at The Clinton Foundation.

On the other hand, the Ohio State band did a great job last night. Their Titanic half-time show was inspired unlike the play of their football team. Nice spats.

Monday, January 08, 2007

New York Smells? Everyone Panic!

Foul Odor Reported
Fire officials report they have received numerous calls for a gas odor in Midtown Manhattan. Also, the gas odor is reported in Brooklyn, Jersey City and Weehawken. The source of the odor has not been identified. Fire crews are investigating the reports.
- 1010 Wins

There's a gas odor that has caused a little panic in Midtown, Brooklyn, and parts of Jersey. Officials are unsure of just about everything regarding the source.

The panic has not hit my company because our HR department assureed us with an email that included this line: "Please do not be alarmed if a gas-like odor starts filtering through the vents". So if the odor was accompanied with some green smoke and a villainous laugh, we should start to panic?

See Also: CTU's Guide to Gas Attacks

10/28/05 - NYC Smells like syrup

Friday, January 05, 2007

Weekend Caption Contest

Pelosi Smash! Caption Contest
(Source - AP)

Top Entries
6. Nancy Pelosi's excitement at being named the first female Speaker of the House was cut short when she was sued for a hand-pumping trademark infringement by Arsenio Hall. - Buckley F Williams
5. Hand over the damn gavel already; I'm ready to start slamming some knuckles! - Pam
4. Ousted in 1994, Democrats are eager to get back to the glorious times and fashions of the 80's and 90's. Thus... linebacker sized shoulder pads are back in. - Troll
3. Ooo yeah Nancy, those guns are givin me a Boehner! - GOP and College
1. - Cowboy Blob

Photoshop Entries
- The Man



Previous Contests
Saddam -a- Go-go - Part 2
Saddam -a- Go-go - Part 1
Merry Hillmas
Castro Caption Contest
Joyeux Anniversaire Caption Contest
Holiday Caption Contest
The Wrong Stuff Caption Contest
A New Direction Caption Contest

Caption Contest Classic (1/6/06)
Weekend at Murtha's Caption Contest

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Welcome Back Byrdie

Sen. Robert Byrd of West Virginia was sworn in for the ninth time Thursday, and he did it in signature style.

The West Virginia Democrat, who turns 90 this year and is the longest-serving member of the current Senate, is known for his long speeches, his knowledge of Senate rules and his flamboyant personality.

He first spoke through the opening prayer, calling "Praise Jesus," and "yeah!"

After he was sworn in by Vice President Cheney, he pumped his fist and yelled, "So help me God!"

Just after that, Byrd appeared weak and started to collapse. He was caught by his West Virginia colleague, Democratic Sen. Jay Rockefeller, and other senators standing nearby.

Byrd didn't miss a step as he then walked back to his desk, giving a loud "Hallelujah!" to the crowd.

Here are a couple thoughts that come to mind:
1. This guy is only 2 heartbeats away from being the 44th President of the United States?
2. If a Republican had yelled "Praise Jeebus" and acted like a hillbilly at a Saturday night revival, I doubt the media would call their actions "flamboyant" or "signature".

(Source - My Way News)

Pennington Wins Comeback Player of the Year

Chad Pennington Couldn't QB My Grandmother's Flag Football Team - The Man August 3, 2006
I'm not wrong all that often, but when I am it's usually one of my asinine sports posts that come back to bite me in the ass. I've been a Chad hater ever since I became a Jets fan last season. To my defense, the guy seemed at the time to be more fragile than a teacup. I went to my first Jet game, bought a #10 jersey, and then watched him go down in the third game of a disastrous season that ended with the Jets with a 4-12 record.

How much of a hater was I? I tried to sell my Pennington jersey last year. Since I couldn't find a buyer, I dressed as Chad Pennington for Halloween complete with a fake cast, clipboard, and towel. I walked into a bar with my fake cast and waved my towel. The bartender just laughed and said "that aint right". However that's the image we all had of Chad last season - waving a towel as the Jets were being led by Vinny Testaverde, who's the only football player to qualify for the AARP discount at Denny's.

For the 2006 season, Chad has won the NFL Comeback Player of the Year award.

I was wrong about Chad. This season, he's been nothing short of a stud. Leading the Jets (who did have a cupcake schedule) to a 10-6 record and a Wildcard berth in the playoffs. Vinny has been collecting dust in New England, where the Jets travel to this weekend for the first round of the playoffs.

Jets - Patriots (+9)
1pm Sunday
My prediction: Jets 21 Pats 17

Space Turd Lands in Jersey

A 13 ounce bit of space junk fell from the sky in New Jersey yesterday and hit a Monmouth County home. Remember that just last week a UFO was spotted over Chicago. It now appears that we are under attack from aliens. Everyone panic!

President Bush is not going to help us defeat the invaders. What are the newly elected Democrat majority going to do about it to protect us from the martians?

"But I can do a better job of protecting America's security because the test that I was talking about was a test of legitimacy, not just in the globe, but elsewhere" - John Kerry
Top 10 Likely Democratic Responses to a Martian Invasion.
10. Ted and Patrick Kennedy release statements stating they loves martinis.
9. Amnesty for all aliens, even green ones.
8. Raise taxes on married aliens making more than 70,000 Gromulons a year.
7. John Edwards will distract the alien invaders with his silky hair while we wait for the UN to protect us. China and Ghana will end up blocking a terse letter to the aliens asking them to stop sucking out peoples brains.
6. Show the aliens Seasons 1, 3, 4, and5 of Fox's TV show 24. Season 2 sucked.
5. Send Michelle Malkin to Rigel VII in order to investigate if this is a real threat or just another story fabricated by the liberal media.
4. Pull out of Iraq.
3. Blame the Republican minority.
2. ............nothing
1. Have John Kerry send out an email blaming this all on Bush and ask for more donations.

Have any ideas how the Dems or Republicans would react to our impending doom at the hands of martians? Post them in the comments.

A New Direction Caption Contest

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Buckle Up or Else

Allen was heading northbound on Interstate 55 when his car began swerving, state police say. The car bounced off a guard rail and went over a concrete barrier, ejecting Allen, police say.

Allen landed on Missouri Avenue in East St. Louis -- and then was hit by his falling car, a 1995 Ford Mustang, police say.

However, it should be noted that Mr. Allen landed in East St. Louis so cars falling from the sky were the least of his worries.

(Source - STL Today)

Dead Presidents in Section 215

I went to the Jets-Raiders game this weekend and look who was sitting in front of me.
None other than former Presidents James Buchanan and Gerald Ford. No wonder the Raidiers have played like they're a cursed team this year.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Santa's batting .750 so far

Hot Wing Conspiracy Final Results

The crowning of a new Hot Wing Champion has come and past. Let's take a quick look at our current and previous champions of our Fantasy Football League.
2004 - SlobberKnockers
2005 - Pulaski Rednecks
2006 - San Jose Arrowheads

For a list of how our scores work, click here.

(1) San Jose Arrowheads (11-3)
Playoff Week 1 Points - 63
Playoff Week 2 Points - 69
Playoff Week 3 Estimated Points - 65
Playoff Week 3 Final Points - 115
San Jose dropped Brett Farve faster than a weight on an anorexic crack whore. Farve finally had a good game, but his replacement on SJA, Jake Delhomme also had a good game scoring 16 points against the New Orleans practice squad.
Championship Game MVP - Jake Delhomme 16 points (207 yards, 2 TDs)

(7) The Ball Sackers (7-7)
Playoff Week 1 Points - 55
Playoff Week 2 Points - 44
Playoff Week 3 Estimated Points - 60
Playoff Week 3 Final Points - 55
Championship Game Goat - Jeff Garcia 0 points (1 pass, 29 yards)

(4) Gridiron Wookies (8-6)
Playoff Week 1 Points - 56
Playoff Week 2 Points - 38
Playoff Week 3 Estimated Points - 50
Playoff Week 3 Final Points - 57

League MVP - LaDainian Tomlinson (webcats) - 304 Fantasy Points

Thanks for all the teams this year, Fantasy Baseball is right around the corner.