Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Hot Wing Conspiracy - Week 1 Recap

Welcome to the recap for the first week of action in the Yahoo! Fantasy Football league - The Hot Wing Conspiracy. I'm "The Man" and here with me in the booth is the guy from all those Football video games, John Madden. Together we will break down this week's action in Fantasy Football.

There are 18 teams in the league, each week two teams face off for a head-to-head matchup. Here are the way teams score points in this league.
QB - Passing Yards (50 yards per point; 2 points at 300 yards) Passing Touchdowns (6)Interceptions (-2)Sacks (-2)
RB - Rushing Yards (20 yards per point; 2 points at 150 yards) Rushing Touchdowns (6)
WR - Reception Yards (20 yards per point; 2 points at 150 yards) Reception Touchdowns (6)
Other - Return Touchdowns (6) 2-Point Conversions (2) Fumbles Lost (-2) Offensive Fumble Return TD (6)
Field Goals 0-19 Yards (3)Field Goals 20-29 Yards (3)Field Goals 30-39 Yards (3)Field Goals 40-49 Yards (4)Field Goals 50+ Yards (5)Point After Attempt Made
(1)Sack (1)Interception (2)Fumble Recovery (2)Touchdown (6)Safety (2)Block Kick (2)Points Allowed 0 points (10)Points Allowed 1-6 points (7)Points Allowed 7-13 points (4)Points Allowed 14-20 points (1)Points Allowed 21-27 points (0)Points Allowed 28-34 points (-1)Points Allowed 35+ points (-4)

Now that we have covered the points, I'll hand over the recap to John Madden.

Thanks, uhh The...or uhh Man.

The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else in Fantasy Football. Only the strongest teams, loaded with point earners gains the glory of being champion of The Hot Wing Conspiracy.

bRight & Early - 44
Robots Eat Babies - 33

B&E's starting QB, Matt Hasselbeck, turned out to be ReB's 3rd highest point scorer.
MVP - Atlanta Falcons (DEF) 15 points (4 sacks, 3 fumble recoveries)
What's the toughest thing in a professional football game? It's being the mother of the quarterback -- toughest thing. Matt Hasselbeck's mother wore a sack on her head.
Goat - Matt Hasselbeck (QB - SEA) -6 points (5 sacks, 0 TDs)

Hot Wing Chump-ion - 22
San Jose Arrowheads - 65
The Cump-ions met and elected Jake Plummer their chief.
MVP - Frank Gore (RB - SF) 18 points (87 yds rushing, 2 TDs)
Goat - Jake Plummer (QB - DEN) -14 points (3 Ints, 4 sacks, 1 fumble)

Rose Hill Reddogs - 48
fmragtops' spewers - 35

The QB matchup of Warner and Palmer went to Warner. Spewers needs to find a RB, quick - when your starters are Maurice Jones-Drew and Chris Brown....bad things happen.
MVP - Kurt Warner (QB - AZ) 18 points (301 yds, 3TDs)
Goat - Maurice Jones-Drew (RB - JAX) 0 Points (8 yds rushing)

The Columbia CRUNCH - 56
I hate Hillary - 33

IHH should spend less time on Hillary-hating and focus on his runnning game. Starting Domanick Davis is not smart since he is out for the season. Putting a broken horse in front of a broken cart can only get you so far.
MVP - Shayne Graham (K - CIN) 12 points (3/3FG, 2/2 PAT)
Goat - I hate Hillary for starting Davis.

The Ball Sackers - 75
RFTR - 50

RFTR can blame his loss on an emergency appendectomy on his QB. However, his starting TE is the Jets 3rd string Tight End - not a point producer.
Donovan McNabb ate his Chunky soup (Ben Roethlisberger's Appendix Flavored) this week.
MVP - Donovan McNabb (QB - PHI) 24 points (314 yds, 3 TDs)
Goat - Ben Roethlisberger (QB - PIT) 0 points (-1 Appendix, 0 Brain Cells)

Gridiron Wookies - 51
webcats - 38
Al Michaels asked the Magic 8-ball to see if The Wookies will dominate football, as they have done in Baseball. All signs point to yes.
MVP - Ronnie Brown (RB - MIA) 14 points (2 TDs)
Goat - Daunte Culpepper -5 points (49.6 passer rating, 2 INTs)

Hector Vex O-Trons - 26
Mr Wolf Cleaning Svc - 70

Wolf's Cleaning Service started the season with a big "BANG". That team hit Hector in the chops and came back for seconds. I have a feeling that Wolfie will be a contender.
Tony Gonzalez had a good week, but with his QB now eating through a straw....he'll likely not be too active the rest of the season.
MVP - Tony Gonzalez (TE - KC) 10 points (1TD, 81 yds)
Goat - Jake Delhomme (QB - CAR) -9 points (1 INT, 4 sacks, 2 fumbles)

Tax Dodgers - 42
Gumbo - 30

What do Trent Green and Oakland have in common? Both laid down and didn't get up this weekend. Hell, Trent Green isn't even on the cover of Madden '07. Bam!
MVP - Plaxico Burress (WR-NYG) 10 points (80 yds, 1 TD)
Goat - Trent Green (QB - KC) -6 points (3 sacks, 1 concussion)

Remember kids, self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble. Madden out.