Friday, September 29, 2006

Weekend Caption Contest

I Love Asian Coups Caption Contest
(Source - Reuters)

Top Entries
10. Two people still willing to go hunting with Dick Cheney - Rodney Dill
9. And here we see Ned Lamont and his posse shamelessly pander to the gay community for votes. - jimmyb

Wonkette exclusive: Michelle Malkin took part in the Thailand Coup!

-The Man
7. Queer Eye for the Thai Guy. - Renee
6. One night in Bangkok makes a hard man crumble... - GOP and College
5. The previous Thai government was soft on bio-ecological mutatated terrorists. Godzilla and Mothra won't stand a chance against the new Thai Army. - Renee
4. - AlanDP
3. All your Tank are belong to us. - Rodney Dill
2. "Who order shrimp tank?" - Wyatt Earp

- Cowboy Blob

Photoshop Entries

- The Man

- Cowboy Blob

Wonkette exclusive: Michelle Malkin took part in the Thailand Coup!

-The Man

- Cowboy Blob

Previous Contests
La Competencia Del Subtítulo Del Diablo
Meeting of the Axis of Feeble
Roving Caption Contest
Does this Caption Contest make me look fat?
I chilled with Castro and all I got was this lousy Caption Contest
Your Nutroots are Showing
Dear Helen Caption Contest

Caption Contest Classic (9/30/05)
Oxymoron Caption Contest

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Dumbass of the Week: Alfredo Alejandro Diaz

Alfredo Diaz's son has to be the biggest dumbass of the week. What for? The brat, Alfredo Alejandro Diaz, lost his computer and iPod after getting in trouble at school. So he bought a one-way airplane ticket to Cuba and is now living in a country with spotty electricity, no freedom, and a dead dictator ruling the country.

What was his second choice? Somalia?

MIAMI Cuban immigrant Alfredo Diaz wants to know how his 14-year-old son was able to buy a plane ticket to Havana on the Internet and fly to Cuba, no questions asked.

Diaz says his son may have been upset over something that happened at school, which led to the boy losing his computer privileges and iPod.

Diaz told The Miami Herald that he hopes his son will soon tire of life with no computer, iPod and plasma T-V. (Source - AP)
Little Diaz, you are an idiot. I hope you can swim since the nearest Apple store is on Lincoln Beach in Miami.

Now, from the Miami Herald

And in school, he was accused of cheating to try to win the class presidency.
You can go one of two ways with this:
1) Who ever heard of someone in Flordia trying to cheat to win the presidency?
2) Leading a coup at 15? Alfredo Alejandro Diaz sounds perfect for Cuba!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Headline of the Day

First the Pope points out the religion and violence do not mix by mentioning Islam, prompting muslims to riot, burn down churches, and shoot nuns. Now he goes after another volatile subject, NY Giants Tight-End Jeremy Shockey.

"Impulse is a hard thing sometimes to control," Pope said. "This is a very spirited racehorse. Very often before he can put his actions into words they boil over into the frustration. Some players are better at dealing with that than others. I don't think it ever becomes less tolerated.
"I don't know at what age ranting stops. I do not ever think his motives are less than honorable. How he expresses those motives can be better directed."
What's next? Is the Pope going to discuss the St. Louis Cardinals collapse and 7 game losing streak? How about how Brady Quinn and his Notre Dame pals being the most overrated football team since the 1916 Cumberland University team?

7-11 Cans Citgo

Hugo Chavez's Citgo gasoline will not be sold at 2,100 7-11 stores starting next week.

The 7-11 stores will be switching to their own brand of gas.

The association with Chavez's Gas Company had become a PR issue with 7-11 ever since the chunky Chavez made his comments at the UN.

A spokeswoman for Dallas-based 7-Eleven said its 20-year contract with Citgo Petroleum Corp. ends next week. About 2,100 of 7-Eleven's 5,300 U.S. stores sell gasoline.

Citgo is a Houston-based subsidiary of Venezuela's state-owned oil company, and the foreign parent became a public-relations issue for 7- Eleven because of comments by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Chavez has called President George W. Bush the devil and an alcoholic. The U.S. government has warned that Chavez is a destabilizing force in Latin America.

7-Eleven spokesman Margaret Chabris said that, "Regardless of politics, we sympathize with many Americans' concern over derogatory comments about our country and its leadership recently made by Venezuela's president Hugo Chavez."
(Source - Drudge)

Boycott Citgo

The Voting Dead: New Jersey

Today's story of people voting from beyond the grave comes from New Jersey (big surprise).

Mayor Douglas Palmer's campaign manager is accused of destroying absentee ballots from the May election. The campaign manger claims to have been acting on orders from the Mercer County Superintendent of Elections Bettye Monroe. Republicans have asked Gov. Jon Corzine to have Monroe step down from her post.

On top of that, a voter testified that (much to her amazement) her mother had voted and signed the poll book. Yes, her mother was dead and yes - she voted Democrat.

(Source -

The Voting Dead: Canada
The Voting Dead: Memphis
The Voting Dead: Memphis - Part 2

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Dead are in a Blue State

OTTAWA (Reuters) - A candidate to head Canada's opposition Liberal Party vowed on Monday to stay in the leadership race despite reports that his campaign team had signed up dead people as members.
What's it with the dead people, voting for the left? I guess everyone should be allowed to cast a vote.

I posted about a case earlier this year, Ophelia Ford of the ethically-challenged Ford family in Memphis had support from the dead voters, some voted for the first time in over a decade.

P. Diddy has nothing on that "vote or die" campaign.

(Source - Reuters)

The Voting Dead: Memphis
The Voting Dead: Memphis - Part 2

Ethics 101

Alderman Larry Felts of Nolensville, Tennessee spent over a year developing the town's ethics code.

The first complaint of a violation of the ethics code will be the subject of a hearing on Thursday; the person brought up on the violation....Alderman Larry Felts.

(Souce - Tennessean)

Monday, September 25, 2006

My Chad Pennington Jersey is NOT for Sale

Last season, I bought a Chad Pennington Jets jersey and wore it with pride. That is, until Chad went down a week later with another shoulder injury.

This season, I gave the Jets little chance to improve. Hell, they had no designated starting QB or RB. Their Offensive line had 2 rookies, and their coach was younger than some of the players.

Ahh, but Gang Green is back! My Pennington jersey is off the market. Also, despite the poll stating that my wife should save her money and buy me Madden 07 - she bought a Laveraneus Coles jersey and he's now one of the top WRs in the NFL. Coincidence?

Just how good are the Jets? AMNY reports that they played both the Buffalo Bills and the NY Giants yesterday, and WON!

Keys to success: The Jets must find a running game. Chad's good, but defenses will sniff out the lack of a running threat and drop back into pass coverage.
It's almost the opposite situation the Tennessee Titans faced when McNair would go down and the team had to rely on Eddie George (back when the Titans were competitive). Teams would just put 8 men on the Defensive line and dare Eddie to run at them.

So the Jets need to have a ground attack and only face one team at a time.

Chad Pennington Couldn't QB My Grandmother's Flag Football Team
Jets Drive Fans to Violence
For Sale: Chad Pennington Green Replica Jersey

Friday, September 22, 2006

Weekend Caption Contest

La Competencia Del Subtítulo Del Diablo
(Source - AP)

Top Entries
10. I swear, if I have to listen to Helen Thomas again... -sgtfluffy
9. I'm splitting atoms... with my mind. - lawhawk
8. Your getting very sleepy. Look into my eyes. You will take out Hugo Chavez and make it look like an accident. - your sister
7. "The Devil? I'll show him what hell is all about. You think I'm kidding? Hey, not only didn't I stutter... I didn't blink either." - Troll
6. President Bush gives the U.N. the ol' "stink eye." - Wyatt Earp
5. All I have to do is give Chavez the "evil eye" and that devil, Karl Rove, takes him out for me. - Maggie
4. BUSH: I think Kofi's trying to pick my pocket. At least I hope he's trying to pick my pocket - Remulak MoxArgon
3. Bush: The next time I see that butterball, Chavez, I'm going to gouge out his eyes just like this...Ow! - fmragtops
2. "Read my lips..." - Rodney Dill
1.- Cowboy Blob

Photoshop Entries

- Cowboy Blob

Bush: Hey Kaczynski, can you hear this? Do you want me to turn it up?
-The Man

Previous Contests
Meeting of the Axis of Feeble

Roving Caption Contest
Does this Caption Contest make me look fat?
I chilled with Castro and all I got was this lousy Caption Contest
Your Nutroots are Showing
Dear Helen Caption Contest
Drunk and Drunker

Caption Contest Classic (9/23/05)
I Invented the Caption Contest

A little something to start your Friday

From today's AMNY

Ohh wait... umm yes, I just threw up a little.

Jihad for Dummies

Allah loves you, even if the dirty infidels cannot read your sign because it's upside down.

Conjunction Junction Bombed by Muslim Terrorist Group
21st Century Pope Quotes 14th Century Emperor, Angers Muslims Still Living in the 9th Century

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Boycott Citgo

Update: 7-11 Cans Chavez!

Comment from "guy from vzla": Get this. Citgo's president made a phonecall to channel 8 (Venezuela's PBS with the slight difference that the goverment runs it) yesterday to say that it was not 7-Eleven who wanted to take distance from Citgo, but the other way around!!!!!

Update: A Boston city councilor wants the iconic Citgo sign outside Fenway Park changed to an American flag. (via The

Update: Alabama developer urges all his contractors and vendors to boycott Citgo.

Update: The Boycott Citgo movement has hit Snopes.

Update: New York Gov. George Pataki will boycott Citgo.

Update: Citgo HQ's phonelines are jammed.

Update: Florida lawmaker wants all Citgo's removed from Florida Turnpike.

Update: Maine lawmakers want the Gov. to not do business with Citgo

Hugo Chavez had the gall to insult America while he was still on American soil (yes, the UN is still in the heart of New York). Let's stop handing over our money to this chunky dictator. Don't buy gas from Citgo, ever. Even if it means paying $0.01 more across the street.

And you can shove the gasoline you sell to Americans through Citgo, a wholly owned subsidiary of the Venezuelan national oil company through which you are bribing your way into international power.

It is, frankly, un-American for U.S. citizens to pour money into any bank account that bears the Hugo Chavez name, you being despicable enough to suggest that "the U.S. empire planned and conducted" the 9/11 terror attacks "against its own people" as an excuse to go to war. (NY Daily News)

Thumb Chavez

Other Links
How to buy American - Gasoline
Boycott Hugo Wear
Boycott Citgo Website

Others Not Getting Gas From Hugo
My Pet Jawa
Michelle Malkin
Stuck on Stupid
The Buzz Blog
No More Spin
Amy Proctor
The Tomo Report
My Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
Break the Chain
But That's Just My Opinion
Right Voices
Woody's News
Amboy Times
Kokonut Pundits
Fore Left
Degree of Madness
Digger's Realm
Babalu Blog
Texas Fred
Blog Idaho
Conservative Blog Therapy
The World According to Carl
Captain's Quarters
Tapscott's Copy Desk
Shot in the Dark
Rocky Mountain Neo-Con
GOP and College
Stop the ACLU
Stix Blog
Cigar Intelligence Agency
Radioactive Liberty
Hang Right
Liberty, Just in Case
Stinking Opinions
Sam Houston
Shoot a Liberal
Aggravated DocSurg
The Auto Prophet
Daily Inklings
The Radio Patriots
The Voice
Dread Pundit
Go Broncos
The New American Citizen

Rangel Rips Hugo

I never thought I'd see the day when I admit that Charles Rangel is right!

Click Here for the video.

Now it's about time our pols get some balls and stand up to the lame taunts from these moronic goons.

NY Daily News: Venezuela oil pimp can have UN

John Bolton, the U.S. ambassador to the UN: "We're not going to address that kind of comic strip approach to international affairs...too bad the people of Venezuela don't have free speech.''

Update: Nancy Pelosi calls Chavez a "thug".

Scott Harper's Friends Are Stoopid Part II

On August 9th, 2005 a young man named Scott Harper got drunk at Yankee Stadium and told his friends that he wanted to test whether the net over home plate would hold his weight. It did.

I put out a few over-the-top posts on The Yankee Jumper, since then a Google search for Scott has led some of Mr. Harper's friends to my posts. These kids have taken to posting comments that are at best bizarre, one threatened legal action. The next two are from "Paul" whose IP address is Hell, these comments might be from Scott himself.

I've said before that I hope Scott Harper gets the help he needs. I also hope he gets a new set of friends that have at least an ounce of common sense. Also, is it too much to ask the Armonk school district to hire better English teachers.

yo "The Man" what the f**k, shut up, scotts is "the man" if anyone. im from byram hills in armonk, and he is probobly one of the coolest guys i know, so don't judge on one act a**hole. - (Paul)

"Paul"... I have no doubt that Scott Harper is super cool. He may even be "the man" however for the rest of his life, he'll be known as "the man who jumped from the upper deck of Yankee Stadium". While you are not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, Scott Harper is pretty much an open book. Look, if you kill someone - you're a killer. If you rape someone - you're a rapist. If you get drunk and jump off the upper deck of Yankee stadium, to see if the netting will hold - well, you're an idiot.

I have done some stupid things in my life; you know what people called me when I was caught? An idiot.

you guys are a**holes who have no idea what you're talking about... i live in the same town, went to school with, and knew personally, scott harper. Just want to tell you that you guys are a**holes and don't know the meaning of having a good time and taking it too far, that's not taking it too far, there are much worse things that could have happened - (Paul)

Paul - so you are claiming that Scott Harper didn't "take things too far" when he leapt from the upper deck of Yankee Stadium to see if the netting will hold? I guess if Scott added a triple twist while yelling "A-Rod is gay" to his jump would have been taking it too far? I think Webster's dictionary classifies Harper's actions as "taking things too far".

Worse things could have happened; I'll give you that point. But thankfully for the fans below the netting, Scott Harper's actions did no harm other than to his attempt to defy Darwin's Natural Law of Selection.

Thanks for checking out my site Paul.

Sterilize Scott Harper Now
Stop Scott Harper
Scott Harper is Still an Idiot
Scott Harper, your friends are stoopid
Scott Harper in Drug Rehab: Never Saw That Coming
Yankee Jumper's Wings Clipped

Thong Girl IV to be Filmed in Clinton Foundation Offices

The City Council of Gallatin (TN) and The Dark Widow may have won the battle, but The First Amendment and Thong Girl may still win the war. The Clinton Foundation and Thong Girl have joined forces to continue TGs fight against The Dark Widow.

Thong Girl is a super heroine who shoots lasers out of her unmentionable parts after donning some magical thong underwear. Her ability to fly and shoot lasers keep Nashville free of The Dark Widow and full-seat panties.

Mayor Don Wright allowed the filming of "Thong Girl III" in his offices, without letting the city council vote on it. City council members now have "their panties in a wad" so to speak. The city's code does not allow filming on city property unless they authorize it. However, that does not apply to the mayor. And the mayor probably likes the idea of a thong-wearing tart with lasers flying around his office. The city council (obviously controlled by The Dark Widow) is now trying to change the law so the mayor does not allow Thong Girl IV to be filmed in his office.

In other news, The Clinton Foundation has donated 3 floors of office space for future Thong Girl filming.

(Source - The Tennessean)

Thong Girl 3 Invades Mayor's Office

Death Race 2000

Here is the original trailer for Death Race 2000. It is probably one of the best/worst movies ever made.

Quotes from the movie:
Junior: "Well America, there you have it, Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Airforce and he's whipped their derrieres!"

Grace: "She was a great, dear friend of mine and I shall remember her forever howling down that freeway in the sky, knocking over... ...the angels."

Junior: "Once again Mr. President." The President: "I have made the United Provinces of America the greatest power in the known universe."

For a great review of the film, Click Here. Make sure you check out the video of "Euthanasia Day".

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Sierra Club Endorses Menendez. Duh

The Sierra Club formally endorsed Democratic Sen. Robert Menendez today, saying that it was a tough choice because his Republican opponent, state Sen. Tom Kean, Jr., has a sparkling environmental record.
The Sierra Club, which bills itself as a non-partisan, grass roots group, has endorsed 178 candidates in the 2006 mid-term races, all but five of them Democrats.

97% of Dems got the endorsement of the Sierra Club. I'd hate to see the environmental records of the 3% who did not get a nod from them.

(Source -

Text of President Chavez's Speech to the UN

Here is the text of President Chavez's speech to the UN today.
Chavez: "Representatives of the governments of the world, good morning to all of you. First of all, I would like to invite you, very respectfully, to those who have not read this book, to read it. Jim McGreevey, one of the most prestigious American and world intellectuals, Jim McGreevey, and this is one of his most recent books, 'The Confession .'" [Holds up book, waves it in front of General Assembly.]

"It's an excellent book to help us understand what has been happening in Jim's world throughout the past decade, and what's happening now in case you missed Oprah the other day."

"It reads easily, it is a very good book, I'm sure Madame [President] you are familiar with it. It appears in English, in Russian, in Arabic, in German. I think that the first people who should read this book are our brothers and sisters in the United States, because Jim was also governor of New Jersey. "

"I will now read from the book, picking up on page 134." [Opens book, reads to General Assembly.]
"It was a hot summer day and New Jersey needed an advisor for the Department of Homeland Security. I chose Golan Cipel to sit on my staff and advise me all day long. I knew Cipel to be strong and good looking, everything that a high-paid advisor for security needs. However things like Cipel's lack of experience (something I never experienced) and him not being an American citizen made people think I made a bad decision. However Golan was going to sit on my staff whether they liked or not."

[Chavez closes the book, kisses the cover, and steps down]
For the complete transcript, click here.

Michael Steele Hates Puppies

Click Here for the video of his preemptive strike on negative ads.

Quote of the day

The NY Daily News (yes the NY Daily News) said it best in an editorial yesterday:

The thing is, we're stuck with President Mr. Ahmadinejad. We try to be polite.
Welcome to New York, you medieval goon.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Talk Like Jack Bauer Day

Blogs4Bauer needs your help to set a date for "Talk Like Jack Bauer Day".

Click Here to go vote.


Week 2 Fantasy Football Recap

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day, so my recap is done in Piratish.

Arrrr, Ye The Hot Wing Conspiracy entered ya second week with half the skullywag teams undefeated, the other half had not won nearly a game. Robots Eat Babies (my team) be lumped with the latter.

Avast week 2 I faced my brother's wreched team, Hot Wing Chump-ion. Now ye Fantasy Fate would have it, I also faced him in The Hot Wing Conspiracy Fantasy Baseball Playoffs for the 5th Place position and bounds of booty.

After a weekend of battle, both my teams prevailed - the loser felt my cold steel and were dispatched to Davy Jones Locker.

Hot Wing Chump-ion - 56
Robots Eat Babies - 60
The Peyton - Reggie Wayne connection finally struck ye treasure - the two skully dogs accounted for 50% of my points in week 2. The rest of my team were on a bunch of Salmagundi - John Carney scored 12, but the rest of the squiffys averaged a wee 2.57 points.

Old Coat (MVP) - Peyton Manning (QB -IND) 24 Points (400 yards passing, 3TDs)
Waister (Goat) - Wali Lundy (RB - HOU) -1 Point (25 yards rushing, 1 Fumble)

Monday, September 18, 2006

Thong Girl 3 Invades Mayor's Office

"They told me it was a film about a superhero woman and there was no nudity or any kind of offensive stuff in the film," - Gallatin (TN) Mayor Don Wright

When "Thong Girl 3: Revenge of the Dark Widow" is released, some Middle Tennessee residents will recognize one of the sets as being Mayor Wright's office.

For those of you not familiar with TG, she's a "risque superheroine who dons red underwear and "polices the skies with an iron fist" to keep Nashville safe." Because the skies are much safer with a thong-wearing tart zipping across the Music City Skyline. Sweet.

The filmmaker behind TG III, Glen Weiss, claims the movie is "family friendly" and that Thong Girl will have a PG-13 rating - no sex or nudity. So on top of being listed as an unwanted addition to the Nashville skyline, Thong Girl is also a tease.

"Kids come up to her. She has a cape on. She's very modest" - filmmaker Glen Weiss

Thong Girl got her magical powers from a pair of red thong underwear. I'm not sure what happened in TG I and II, but in TG III - the evil character "The Dark Widow" faces off against Thong Girl. The Dark Widow wants to take over country music and turn all the artists into rappers.

That makes me wonder what a country music artist turned rapper would rap about?
1) Bitchez that ran over their dog
2) Bitchez that left them for their cousin, P-Nut
3) Their Escalade pick-up truck
4) The South(side) will rise again

I like the idea of a country rapper. Damn you Thong Girl. Damn you to hell.

(Source - Tennessean)

Friday, September 15, 2006

Weekend Caption Contest

Another Castro Caption Contest
(Source - AP)

Top Entries
10. "Oh, Fidel... matching pajamas. You shouldn't have. Ooo! And their crothless! You devil you." - Jwookie

- AlanDP

8. HUGO: Dammit Fidel, I don't care if it's in the Karma Sutra, I'm not doing it. - Remulak MoxArgon
7. "I'm sorry Fidel, I still cannot sell you my half completed Death Star novelty lamp..." - Adjustah
6. Chavez: I don't care how you got it to sit like that, I'm not making eye contact with a dead body! - Sssteve
5. Chavez shown here accepting a gift from Castro... titled "Running a Communist Dictatorship - For Dummies" - Troll
4. Chavez: "And then, Helen Thomas unleashed her heaving alabaster bosoms while Ted Kennedy purred his approval . . ." - Wyatt Earp
3. The Abercrombie & Fitch models have really let themselves go. - Damian G.
2. Meeting of the Axis of Feeble - McCain
1. Hey good buddy, i've got this fresh spinach that will cure all of your ills. - Scrapiron

Photoshop Entries

Following Castro's untimely death, Cuba had a hole drilled out of his skull and placed the dice from a Magic 8-ball in the hole. For a fee, dictators were able to ask the head a question and then give it a good shake for an answer.
Chavez: Will the US invade my country?
Castro's Head: Signs Point to YES!

-The Man

- Cowboy Blob

Previous Contests
Roving Caption Contest
Does this Caption Contest make me look fat?
I chilled with Castro and all I got was this lousy Caption Contest
Your Nutroots are Showing
Dear Helen Caption Contest
Drunk and Drunker
No Cure for Ted

Caption Contest Classic (9/16/05)
Even Greenpeace Poos Caption Contest

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Don't Take Your Guns To Neyland

The University of Tennessee plays host to Florida this weekend, for a game that always gets fans on both sides worked up.

In that spirit, UT Senior Associate Vice Chancellor Jeff Maples put out a statement reminding the fans to leave certain items at home, including:

*radios without headphones
*large bags or parcels, including backpacks and large purses
*weapons of any kind
(insert redneck joke here)

(Source - Tennesseean)

21st Century Pope Quotes 14th Century Emperor, Angers Muslims Still Living in the 9th Century

Pope Benedict XVI quoted a 14th-Century Christian emperor in a speech about violence and faith.

"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Emperor Manual II Paleologos of Byzantine
The Pope said "I quote" twice but probably failed to use "quote-fingers".

In other news, Al-Jazeera played a video from a mullah who called for the beheading of Pope Benedict and for all Jews to be dipped in acid and beaten with the entrails of infidel Christians, unless they convert to Islam...the religion of peace. It should be noted that the mullah did not say "I quote" in his tirade.

The reaction from the Islamic community is seen as more tame than when they went absolutely bat-shit over the Danish Mohammed cartoons. It's not expected to get as violent as when Nike had to recall shoes that beared a resemblance to Arabic script or when Burger King had to recall ice cream tops that offended muslims. Also, CAIR has not called for the Pope to videotape an apology and air it on FOX, like they did to Jack Bauer, but the day is young.

The Pope is set to visit Turkey in November, which comes on the same month as Thanksgiving - when Americans consume large amounts of Turkey. There is no connection, I am rambling, but umm I like Turkey.

(Source - BBC)

Conjunction Junction Bombed by Muslim Terrorist Group
Chicken Lays "Allah" Egg, Explodes
NYC Rally for Denmark
Feb 28 - International High-Five a Muslim Day
The War on Pastries
And This Little Piggy Was Banned

Update: Look what site is on the top for Google searches for "Emperor Manual II Paleologos of Byzantine." I have decalared jihad against me and will commense to burn an effigy of myself.

Umbrella Alert!

It's raining in New York today, so you know what that means...

Big Ass Umbrellas!

In a city where the average apartment is the size of a shoebox, it's citizens seem to try and buy an umbrella large enough to keep a Guatemalan village dry.

Not only that, it seems the smaller the person - the larger the umbrella they break out. I don't get it. I have charted my findings below.

Mayor Bloomberg: Ban Golf Umbrellas

Bobby and Whitney Divorced?

If Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston's marriage was not able to last, what does that say to the rest of us married people?

These two were the perfect couple, the way he bitch-slapped her, the way they shared crack pipes....

What the hell?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Drag Queen Dressed Like Cher Divides GOP.

"Cher" was set to perform for the Republican Gay Caucus at a GOP Convention in Atlantic City, New Jeresey last week. The posters were all hung, the makeup was applied. However, the proverbial "shit" was about to hit the fan.

Conservative Republicans sent out minions to tear down the posters and tried to cancel the show.

"We can't have THAT walking in the hallway...What if the press sees that? What if they report on that in tomorrow's papers?" said Diane Legreide, the state GOP leader.

Oh, just kidding. Take a deep breath and don't check Drudge for this story. It happened at a NJ Democratic convention, I was just messing with you.

The show did go on, but left some sour feelings among the convention attendees.

"Behind the Cher wig is an actual human being...And all these transgender people -- maybe guys wearing wigs, or women who cut their hair short to become men -- they are real people with real jobs and real aspirations.
"What is the Democratic Party supposed to mean if it isn't the party of all the people who are shut out?" - Steve Goldstein, founder of Garden State Equality,
I don't like Cher, but I love New Jersey.

(Source -

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Hot Wing Conspiracy - Week 1 Recap

Welcome to the recap for the first week of action in the Yahoo! Fantasy Football league - The Hot Wing Conspiracy. I'm "The Man" and here with me in the booth is the guy from all those Football video games, John Madden. Together we will break down this week's action in Fantasy Football.

There are 18 teams in the league, each week two teams face off for a head-to-head matchup. Here are the way teams score points in this league.
QB - Passing Yards (50 yards per point; 2 points at 300 yards) Passing Touchdowns (6)Interceptions (-2)Sacks (-2)
RB - Rushing Yards (20 yards per point; 2 points at 150 yards) Rushing Touchdowns (6)
WR - Reception Yards (20 yards per point; 2 points at 150 yards) Reception Touchdowns (6)
Other - Return Touchdowns (6) 2-Point Conversions (2) Fumbles Lost (-2) Offensive Fumble Return TD (6)
Field Goals 0-19 Yards (3)Field Goals 20-29 Yards (3)Field Goals 30-39 Yards (3)Field Goals 40-49 Yards (4)Field Goals 50+ Yards (5)Point After Attempt Made
(1)Sack (1)Interception (2)Fumble Recovery (2)Touchdown (6)Safety (2)Block Kick (2)Points Allowed 0 points (10)Points Allowed 1-6 points (7)Points Allowed 7-13 points (4)Points Allowed 14-20 points (1)Points Allowed 21-27 points (0)Points Allowed 28-34 points (-1)Points Allowed 35+ points (-4)

Now that we have covered the points, I'll hand over the recap to John Madden.

Thanks, uhh The...or uhh Man.

The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else in Fantasy Football. Only the strongest teams, loaded with point earners gains the glory of being champion of The Hot Wing Conspiracy.

bRight & Early - 44
Robots Eat Babies - 33

B&E's starting QB, Matt Hasselbeck, turned out to be ReB's 3rd highest point scorer.
MVP - Atlanta Falcons (DEF) 15 points (4 sacks, 3 fumble recoveries)
What's the toughest thing in a professional football game? It's being the mother of the quarterback -- toughest thing. Matt Hasselbeck's mother wore a sack on her head.
Goat - Matt Hasselbeck (QB - SEA) -6 points (5 sacks, 0 TDs)

Hot Wing Chump-ion - 22
San Jose Arrowheads - 65
The Cump-ions met and elected Jake Plummer their chief.
MVP - Frank Gore (RB - SF) 18 points (87 yds rushing, 2 TDs)
Goat - Jake Plummer (QB - DEN) -14 points (3 Ints, 4 sacks, 1 fumble)

Rose Hill Reddogs - 48
fmragtops' spewers - 35

The QB matchup of Warner and Palmer went to Warner. Spewers needs to find a RB, quick - when your starters are Maurice Jones-Drew and Chris Brown....bad things happen.
MVP - Kurt Warner (QB - AZ) 18 points (301 yds, 3TDs)
Goat - Maurice Jones-Drew (RB - JAX) 0 Points (8 yds rushing)

The Columbia CRUNCH - 56
I hate Hillary - 33

IHH should spend less time on Hillary-hating and focus on his runnning game. Starting Domanick Davis is not smart since he is out for the season. Putting a broken horse in front of a broken cart can only get you so far.
MVP - Shayne Graham (K - CIN) 12 points (3/3FG, 2/2 PAT)
Goat - I hate Hillary for starting Davis.

The Ball Sackers - 75
RFTR - 50

RFTR can blame his loss on an emergency appendectomy on his QB. However, his starting TE is the Jets 3rd string Tight End - not a point producer.
Donovan McNabb ate his Chunky soup (Ben Roethlisberger's Appendix Flavored) this week.
MVP - Donovan McNabb (QB - PHI) 24 points (314 yds, 3 TDs)
Goat - Ben Roethlisberger (QB - PIT) 0 points (-1 Appendix, 0 Brain Cells)

Gridiron Wookies - 51
webcats - 38
Al Michaels asked the Magic 8-ball to see if The Wookies will dominate football, as they have done in Baseball. All signs point to yes.
MVP - Ronnie Brown (RB - MIA) 14 points (2 TDs)
Goat - Daunte Culpepper -5 points (49.6 passer rating, 2 INTs)

Hector Vex O-Trons - 26
Mr Wolf Cleaning Svc - 70

Wolf's Cleaning Service started the season with a big "BANG". That team hit Hector in the chops and came back for seconds. I have a feeling that Wolfie will be a contender.
Tony Gonzalez had a good week, but with his QB now eating through a straw....he'll likely not be too active the rest of the season.
MVP - Tony Gonzalez (TE - KC) 10 points (1TD, 81 yds)
Goat - Jake Delhomme (QB - CAR) -9 points (1 INT, 4 sacks, 2 fumbles)

Tax Dodgers - 42
Gumbo - 30

What do Trent Green and Oakland have in common? Both laid down and didn't get up this weekend. Hell, Trent Green isn't even on the cover of Madden '07. Bam!
MVP - Plaxico Burress (WR-NYG) 10 points (80 yds, 1 TD)
Goat - Trent Green (QB - KC) -6 points (3 sacks, 1 concussion)

Remember kids, self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble. Madden out.

Hussein: 'We will crush your heads'

Angered Hussein: 'We will crush your heads'
POSTED: 8:47 a.m. EDT, September 12, 2006

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) -- A Kurdish villager testified Tuesday that he fled an attack by Saddam Hussein's forces 18 years ago, leaving behind his mother and two sisters. Years later, their identity cards were discovered in a mass grave, he said.
"Congratulations! you are in a cage, Saddam," witness Ghafour Hassan Abdullah said as he stared at the ousted president. Hussein later lashed out at "agents of Iran and Zionism" in the courtroom and vowed to "crush your heads."
(Source - CNN)