Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Jack Bauer Appreciation Day - Guide to Office Politics (Part 2)

After locating a mole in your office, the next step is to take action. When dealing with an office mole, the best route would be to think like Jack Bauer. Someone doesn't wash their hands in the bathroom....Jack Bauer would pull out the old Chinese water torture. Problem solved.

Good: What Jack Bauer would do
Bad: What Miles would do

Mole will not confess to being a mole.
Good: Sit the "mole" down and tell them you plan on popping out their eyeballs with a knife.
Bad: Going to Human Resources and telling on the "mole".

Someone keeps stealing critical office equipment
Good: Place a tracking device on stapler. When located, force the "mole" to swallow a towel.
Bad: Order new supplies and hope they stop.

Office "mole" keeps stealing lunches from the office fridge
Good: Inject poison into ham sandwich and keep antidote handy to use as bargaining tool.
Bad: Keep your food at your desk.

When you press the elevator button...a "mole" comes along and presses it again.
Good: Kick to the groin.
Bad: Ignore it, they obviously do not trust the little light inside the button or your ability to fully press the button.

Got other WWJB solutions to office problems? Post them in the comments below.