Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Point: CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens

Point: CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens

I'm just a security guard here at CTU, not a mind reader. How was I supposed to know that Samwise had his keycard stolen by his sister and John McCain? There is no way I would have known that later, a terrorist killed Samwise's sister and John McCain, reprogrammed the stolen keycard, and was carrying a canister of nerve gas? CTU really needs to institute a training program for us Red Shirts before something bad happens.

Seriously, they don't train us for situations like this. You should see the CTU Security Guard Training Manual. You can find more helpful information on the can of Diet Coke than in that crappy manual. Plus, they hire just about anyone they can find to don "the red shirt". Hell, I was emptying the trashcans at CTU a few months ago and some HR person asked me if I wanted to carry a gun. "Hell yah" was my reply, but they didn't tell me the guards at CTU only carry fake guns. Yeah, the guns are made of rubber and wobble when you draw them, it is actually quite comical. That's why I almost wet my pants when Samwise told us to shoot Token if he drew his weapon. I am pretty sure Token had a real gun. What was I going to do, throw the gun at him?

What is that alarm about? Ah, just ignore it. Someone was probably smoking in the restroom again.

Let's move on to our stupid uniforms. These red shirts make us look like are guarding the food court at Target. They don't even let us have nametags on our uniforms; HR said something about having too much turnover.

That's weird, Edgar is running? That guy needs to run more than anyone around here, for sure. Run Forrest...ack...Run

Anyway, you know what would improve the morale of the Red Shirts around here? A union, ack....what is going on? Damn Edgar, for the last time - light a match.... accckkk

Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!