Wednesday, March 22, 2006

24: Point-Counterpoint

Point: Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic
-CTU Agent Jack Bauer

You might recall my "drug" addiction following Season 2. Can you seriously blame me? I had a retarded daughter, a dead wife, and I just had the worst day of my life...again. In those dark months, I told people that I was hooked on "heroin" as an excuse for my behavior, meanwhile the real drug I was abusing came in a little green box, you know them as Thin Mints. CTU needs to act now and take out the street peddlers and their organization. You have no idea how far I'm willing to go to get this junk off the street.

Frozen, melted, just out of the box. These minty cookies come to you in boxes that display youthfulness and joy, but they only bring pain. Now I intend to deliver a box of pain to the group behind Thin Mints.

Just put me in the room with the leader of this outfit and I'll make sure that when I'm finished with them, they are gonna wish they ever felt that good again. You probably don't think that I can force a towel down their little throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto one little bit at the end. When their stomach starts to digest it, I'll pull it out. Taking their stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful.

There are things in this world which are out of our control. Sometimes we like to blame ourselves for them so we can try to make sense out of them. The group behind these Thin Mints can...and will be brought down. We are running out of time and I need a hacksaw.

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Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - I'm going to make it!
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!