Point: It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Jack Bauer's a wanted man, a criminal in my eyes and in the eyes of our Chinese friends. Agent Bauer's actions in the name of "national security" led to the needless death of a Chinese embassy official. I feel China's pain. (dramatic pause)
Before long, the Chinese-version of CTU will realize that not only does Frank Flynn look like and Jacob Rossler sound like the real Jack Bauer. It will not be long before they know that Bauer must be alive and therefore not dead anymore. I hate sending Secret Service goons out to kill a friend just like any other President, but sometimes it has to be done. (longer, more dramatic pause)
I know there are still something like 15 canisters of deadly nerve gas still out there with Badger and his crew. But without the unlock code, the terrorists...errr I mean the militants cannot do anything but admire the shiny coating of the canisters. Trust me, we have nothing to fear. It's not like they'll find a way to bypass the arming mechanism and disperse the gas in a crowded place, like a mall.
My best friend, Al Gore would like to address another issue we hold dear.
"Ahhhh.. BBushhhhh Oooiiilllll! Uhhhh.Thanks Al. My fellow Americans; China provides us with vital resources like speed skaters, General Tso's Chicken, and those little plastic things on the end of shoe laces. What's the point in jeopardizing this partnership by letting Jack Bauer go unpunished? CTU and Division have enough quality agents, hot babes, and Edgars to get the job done without Jack's help. If I were President Logan, I'd have my Attorney General send in the troops to take him back to the imprisoned life he deserves, Elian-style.
The gas guzzling Ford Explorers which CTU drives around in are the root causes of GLOBAL WARMING!! Ahhhhh. Go see my movie. Thanks"
(crossposted at Blogs4Bauer)
Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola
Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!