Friday, December 30, 2005

Weekend Caption Contest

GW Phone Home Caption Contest
(Source - AP)

Top 5 Entries
5. "So, Moore thought he was gonna put the star on the tree. Then Cheney shoved it up his corn chute. Now, he IS the star!" - Wyatt Earp
4. "Mrs. Sheehan, just climb down the tree! You have so much to live for! On second thought, JUMP!" - Damian G
3. "And then I unhook your bra...hehehe. Laura, this is silly." - RFTR
2. Is this Jack?Jack Bauer?Yeah, George here.I have a few things I need cleaned up here... - jimmyb
1. "I don't care if you ARE the head of the ACLU, if you think I'm taking down that Christmas tree, you can kiss my merry frickin' ass... it'll be right under the mistletoe!" - Mr. Right

Previous Contests
Second Hand Santa
Santa's Got a Brand New Bag
Black Friday
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

Caption Contest Classic - 1/06/05
Caption Kerry

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

GOP and the City is Closed for the Holidays

After a long year, this site is taking a few days off. I am jetting off to a blogger sabbatical hosted by Glenn Reynolds where bloggers go to rest and puppies go to die. Posting will resume with a caption contest on Friday.

In the meantime.....

Blogs 4 Bauer has launched (24 days prior to the 2 day, 4 hour season premier)! You will never look at a room full of CTU agents, a mole, and a "semi-dead" Jack Bauer the same, ever again.

tick...tick...tick

Friday, December 23, 2005

Weekend Caption Contest

Second Hand Santa Caption Contest
(Source - AFP)

Top 10 Entries
10. "You're not Santa! You are our striking Bus Driver!" - PCD
9. That would explain why Grandma was run over by his reindeer. - The Man
8. Santa: "Noise, noise, noise, smoking weed, smoking weed . . . " - Wyatt Earp
7. Santa's got a brand new dime bag. - The Man
6. Jack Bauer (AKA Reefer Sutherland) - "Hey Santa give me a hit of that before you get pistol whipped." - Tyler D
5. "Alright kids hurry up, visiting hour ends in 15 minutes and Mrs. Claus is coming by for a conjugal visit later." - jwookie
4. "Santa has Glaucoma kid, now Shaddap!" - Rodney Dill
3. Kid: "Come on, Santa! Puff, puff, give!" - Wyatt Earp
2. "How do you think I get those reindeer to flyyyyyy?" - RFTR
1. "I'm sorry your wife's a B***h, President Clinton, but this seems sorta like destructive behavior to me." - Rodney Dill

Previous Contests
Santa's Got a Brand New Bag
Broken Down and Horny
Black Friday
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

Caption Contest Classic - 12/22/04
Holiday Caption Contest

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The [Unofficial] Not For Tourists Guide to NYC - Strike Edition



Co-produced by Suitably Flip.

New York has weathered 9/11, terror warnings, a blackout, and now a little transit strike. Not only have New Yorkers prevailed, we has become stronger, better, and more willing to sling poo at transit workers when the subways and buses get back online.

Flip came up with a great idea to take a comical look at the strike in the form of a FAQ for people stranded by this strike or future strikes in our great city.

Q: How long will this strike be going on?
A: The strike will end once the MTA and the transit workers resolve their labor disputes.

Q: What transit options are still running?
A: There are still many convenient options for navigating New York City during the strike.

·Queens to Manhattan: LIRR
·Bronx: Metro North
Long Island: LIRR
·New Jersey:
NJ Transit and PATH Trains
·Brooklyn to Manhattan:
LIRR from Atlantic Ave. to Jamaica. Transfer at Jamaica to a train to Penn Station. In other words, you're screwed.
·Midtown Manhattan to Downtown: You can catch a PATH Train from 33rd Street and it will eventually get you to the World Trade Center. In the meantime, you will pass under the Hudson River twice. Hint: Try not to think about the movie Daylight while crossing under the Hudson.
·Inside Manhattan: Central Park horse carriages, Kramerica rickshaws, and homeless guys will give piggyback rides up 3rd Avenue for $14...just ask them.
·Anywhere else: Bipedal locomotion.

Q: That all sounds fairly exhausting. Where I can get me a little pick me up?

A: There are 286 Starbucks within 20 miles of Midtown Manhattan, so if you need a $9 cup of joe, you are set. As you can see from this image, there are even Starbucks across the street from Starbucks which are on the same block as another Starbucks.



Q: Is New York Safe?
A: Yes, there are cops on nearly every street corner, working extra shifts to ensure your safety, and during the strike, all the homeless people have been sent to New Jersey.

Q: What draconian measures was your transit authority trying to impose on its workers that led to this incredible illegal strike?
A: 9% raises, retire at 55, great benefits, and MLK Day as a paid holiday.

Q: Um, so... exactly how small are the cages they keep the MTA employees in?
A: To be clear, MTA employees are not caged, but live in their private homes as free people. Only the leadership of the TWU face the prospect of a cage on Rikers Island.

Q. I'm an accountant/banker/lawyer and I make less money than many MTA employees. How do I apply for a job?
A: http://mta.info/mta/employment/

Q: Okay, I'm willing to come do some holiday shopping in New York. How do I get to Macy's?
A: It's down the street from Gimbels.

Q: I'm a corporate fatcat. I'd like my driver to take me to FAO Schwartz around noon tomorrow, while I eat pickled figs and Carlsfoot jelly in the backseat of my Maybach. Should I take the Midtown Tunnel or the Queensboro Bridge?
A: Actually, to get into town, you'll need at least 4 people in your car. See if your monocle polisher and your watch fob detailer need a ride. Otherwise, there are various pickup locations (Shea, Yankee Stadium, Belmont Park to name a few - click here for the entire list)

Q: I heard there's a 4 passenger restriction on private vehicles south of 96th Street. One time I saw Larry David pick up a prostitute so he could drive in the HOV lane. Where does New York keep its prostitutes?
A: While the historic Times Square area used to offer an abundance of prostitutes, they were all shooed by Rudy Giuliani. Visitors with fewer than 4 passengers are therefore advised to pick up hitchhikers, drifters, and/or large roadkill before entering Manhattan to shore up their numbers.

Q: I am coming in from Jersey, do the 2 bodies I have in the trunk count toward the 4 passenger requirement?
A: Only bodies in the passenger compartment count toward the 4 person minimum, so any deceased cargo will need to be propped up and properly restrained in a seat with a working seat belt.

Q: I've always wanted to visit the UN. Can you tell me how to navigate my way to the epicenter of international community?
A: Gladly. It's a pleasant stroll up 7th Avenue to 2290 Adam Clayton Powell Jr Boulevard.

Q: What can I use my Metrocard for now?
A: During the strike, your Metrocard may be used as a beer coaster, back scratcher, dog poo scraper, tooth picker, frisbee, or a festive holiday tree ornament.

The offical guide to Strike Blogging Posts:
Stike Blogging: Denial. Not a River in Egypt
Strike Blogging: It's Joke Time
Strike Blogging: HiHo-HiHo It's Off To Jail You Go
Strike Blogging: Must Eat Brains!
Strike Blogging: 5 Hours of Commuting and All I Got Was This Lousy Post?
Stike Blogging: Shut up and Drive
Strike Blogging: Wear Comfortable Shoes
Strike Blogging: A Fine Mess
Strike Blogging: Countdown to a Strike
It's a Strike
Strike Forecast: Sucky
Strike Blogging

Strike Blogging: Strike May End

(1010 WINS) (NEW YORK) BREAKING: A state mediator says the striking union and the transit authority have agreed to resume negotiations while transit workers take steps to return to work

No timetable was announced for the restoration of service.

More at 1010 WINS.

The TWU members may be heading back to work but our work has just begun. The strikers need to be held accountable for their actions to prevent another union from making another mess next time there are negotiations. I will hold Bloomberg responsible for making sure the TWU is fined and fined again.

Fine-o-meter
TWU - $3,000,000
Striking Members - 6 days pay
ATWU - $250,000

Stike Blogging: Denial. Not a River in Egypt

Note: I misspelled "strike" as a joke. Suber noted it first.

Spellcheckers 100 on Strike!
The TWU's website was too quick to promote a poll that shows the public is overwhelmingly against their illegal strike. While trying to spin one question on the poll that criticized the governor, the TWU misspelled "mishandling". Idiots.


In that same Marist poll that the TWU was so eager to promote, 55% of New Yorkers opposed the strike (including 71% of whites), only 38% support it. The same poll asked people how TWU leader Roger Toussaint was handling the strike and 48% Disapprove while only 39% approve.

An AM NY Poll showed that 71% think that the TWU were wrong for going on strike.
A SurveyUSA poll shows that 53% want the TWU Union leaders fined personally.
A NYPOST Poll shows that 73% blames the TWU for the strike. Vote here.


New York does not support your illegal strike. Shut up and Drive!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Strike Blogging: It's Joke Time

We've moaned about walking, complained about the cold, and wondered what it really takes to start and stop a subway train. Now it's time to have a little fun at the TWU's expense with Transit Strike Jokes!

Q: Why did the TWU member cross the road?
A: Because the chicken told them to.

Q: What does the leadership of the TWU and Dwight Gooden have in common?
A: Both threw strikes and ended up in jail.

Q: What do call a TWU Striker?
A: Greedy Communist Douchebag
Q: What do call a group of TWU Strikers?
A: Greedy Communist Douchebags

Q: Did you hear about the TWU driver who locked his keys in the union van?
-He had to use a coat hanger to get the other TWU members out.

Q: What is the hardest part about being a member of the TWU?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a TWU member do after retiring at 55?
A: Work

Q: How is Roger Toussaint like a cocktail waitress trying to earn a few extra bucks?"
A: They're both spending Christmas behind bars.
(Flip)

Q: Roger Toussaint is so stupid - he looked at a ruler when a reporter asked him how long the strike was going to last.

Q: Roger Toussaint is so stupid - on his last job application where it says "Sign Here", he wrote "Sagittarius."

Q: Did you hear about the TWU Member who was forced to take a drug test?
A: He studied for a week and still failed.

Q: What's the difference between Roger Toussaint and a sack of dog crap?
A: The sack

Post your own jokes in the comments section.

Strike Blogging: HiHo-HiHo It's Off To Jail You Go

State Supreme Court Justice Theodore Jones instructed TWU lawyers to bring Roger Toussaint and other Union officials to the court on Thursday to answer to charges of criminal contempt. Jones stated that jail time is a "distinct possibility".

Jones also issued fines of $50,000 and $75,000 a day for chapters of Amalgamated Transit Workers Union, which represents 3,000 MTA workers.

Fine-o-meter
TWU - $2,000,000
Striking Members - 4 days pay

ATWU - $125,000

Go vote in the AM NY poll asking if the TWU was right to strike.

(Source - AP)

Previous Posts
Strike Blogging: 5 Hours of Commuting and All I Got Was This Lousy Post?
Stike Blogging: Shut up and Drive
Strike Blogging: Wear Comfortable Shoes
Strike Blogging: A Fine Mess
Strike Blogging: Countdown to a Strike
It's a Strike
Strike Forecast: Sucky
Strike Blogging

Strike Blogging: Must Eat Brains!


The above image includes both a scene from Penn Station last night and a clip from the zombie flick, Shaun of the Dead. Can you tell them apart?

I love the fact that New Yorkers can find humor in just about any situation. I overhead a guy last night remarking that the scene at Penn Station reminded him of zombie movies. Like the massive crowd massed inside, outside, and around Penn could erupt in a chant "must eat brains".

This would not happen because looking to the TWU for brains is like looking to Kevin Federline for good music, it just isn't there.

Other Links
Flip and A Blog for All note the lack of compassion for the striking bastards
GOP and College is hosting a TWU Caption Contest
The NJ Blog is taking a look at the funny side of this mess

Strike Blogging: 5 Hours of Commuting and All I Got Was This Lousy Post?



Question: Who does not belong to this group?
a) Scrooge
b) The Grinch
c) Xavier Cross
d) Roger Toussaint
e) None of the above

Answer: d) Roger Toussaint - because the other three eventually developed some common sense with a little help. The head of the Local 100 has made it known that you cannot spell Toussaint without A-S-S.

Go vote in the AM NY poll asking if the TWU was right to strike (as of 1pm 70% say "Hell NO").

The NY Daily News reports that 2.4% (800-900 workers) of the TWU membership did not drink Roger's Kool-Aid and actually showed up for work. My hat goes off to those brave souls. The MTA even has a "contingency plan" to run limited subway service beginning tomorrow.



Previous Posts
Strike Blogging: A Fine Mess
Strike Blogging: Countdown to a Strike
It's a Strike
Strike Forecast: Sucky
Strike Blogging

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Stike Blogging: Shut up and Drive

If you happen to be walking in circles with a TWU sandwich board - things are not looking good for you!

First
Your beloved TWU Local 100 "leaders" reject 9% salary increases, retirement at 55, and MLK Jr's birthday as a paid holiday...pissing on 7,000,000 New Yorkers in the process.

Then
The International TWU announces they are upset at the Local 100 because of the strike.

Now
New York State Justice Theodore Jones leved a fine against the TWU Local 100 that ammounts to $1,000,000 a day for violating The Taylor Laws. Strikers could face $25,000/day fines which double each day of the strike.

Mayor Bloomberg walked the Brooklyn Bridge this morning and called the strike "selfish and illegal". He also noted that economic consequences of the strike range from severe to devastating.

Governor George Pataki stated that "The TWU has broken the law" and "That is wrong, and they will suffer the consequences. They should end this illegal strike and come back to the table"

Merry Christmas Scrooges!

Good News From Iraq: Darwin-Style Part 2

Back in November, a couple of terrorists got a face-to-face with Allah when they found out the hard way their car bomb worked. (GNFI: Darwin-Style Part 1)

On December 20th, Tikrit police and soldiers from the 3rd Infantry Division responded to an explosion. They found a jihadist who did his best to meet his maker when the 155mm artillery shell he was working with blew up. The soldiers also found another shell, IED materials, and a couple of guys trying to remove what was left of the "bomber" from the scene. "Akmar, don't forget my left leg!"

Attention John Kerry: In another case of Coalition soldiers terrorizing the local population, a convoy of Coalition trucks delivered much-needed supplies to a school in Afak, Iraq. The supplies included: bicycles, children’s tents, toy cars, puzzles, wooden blocks, sport toys, and stuffed animals, 100 pairs of shoes, mattresses, tables and chairs.

(Source - Centcom)

Strike Blogging: Wear Comfortable Shoes

Estimated daily cost of a strike to the city - $400,000,000
Average Salary for a Subway/Bus operator - $62,000
Starting Salary for a NYPD Police officer - $25,100
Trying to get support from a public that makes less money (on average), will get less salary increases (3.5% versus the TWU's request for 8%), and will have to work over a decade longer (TWU retires at 55)....while making them walk to work in 25 degree weather - Priceless

I'll be wearing a sign on my walk to work that reads: The TWU can kiss my freezing ass!

These TWU guys have some chutzpah! Here's a TWU Striker who was picketing outside of Grand Central Terminal. I don't suspect a commuter who is facing a long walk in cold weather will have much support for this guy.




twulocal100.blogspot.com
The TWU put up a Blogspot site because their main site was crashing (IT must be on strike). They forgot to remove the comment options and many New Yorkers let them have a piece of their mind. Here are a few:

You guys really have a lot of balls. All you do is drive around in circles. Your job isn't hard at all. You get paid as much as cops and firemen, while much more as teachers. Something is wrong.

These jerks have some nerve trying to seek pity.

I have a 16 month old son who will be taken to day care today in his STROLLER. In 20 degree weather. I am paid hourly and will lose today's salary.

You have only hurt your fellow New Yorkers with this strike, mostly in our pockets. Do not expect any sympathy when you can not pay your fines.

I am disabled and dying from Kidney failure on a fixed income, thanks to your selfish strike I have no way of getting to my doctors office or to the hospital for surgery. If my health is affected by your deplorable actions I will not hesitate to sue your 'union'.

I'm glad you guys feel like you are carrying the banner for the labor movement. Truth is you are overpayed.You should all be fired and replaced.

You people are bunch of morons. You want more pay? Better health benefits? Maybe you should have finished high school. Don't hold up an entire city just because you were too stupid to get your GED.

I'll spit at you from now on!

Like small-brained lemmings you follow your failed leadership, endangering your own jobs, and inflicting your self righteousness on millions.

I hope Roger Toussant gets syphilous and dies

This will backfire. I look forward to the trains being automated.

I think you just pissed off 7 million people.

Shame shame shame on all you TWU members.Wake up and get with reality, this is USA in 2005 and not communist North Korea.

How do I get a job like this and get a great pension and allowed to retire at 55?

You can read more here. (517 comments as of 1pm)

Update: as of 3:30pm, the comments have been removed.

1010Wins has more comments here

Click Here for more GOP and the City

Strike Gear
Click Here for more


Previous Posts
Strike Blogging: A Fine Mess
Strike Blogging: Countdown to a Strike
It's a Strike
Strike Forecast: Sucky
Strike Blogging

Others Strike Blogging:
Suitably Flip
Wonkster
Tapscott has a link to what Reagan thought of strikers
Evan Coyne Maloney
Alarming News
Conservababes: Right from New Fallujah
Blogmeister
Red Guy in a Blue State
A Blog For All
Wizbang
Michelle Malkin
Uncle Sam's Cabin
The Florida Masochist gives the TWU a fitting award

Monday, December 19, 2005

Strike Blogging: A Fine Mess


The Strike by the Numbers
400,000,000 - daily cost to the city during the strike
7,000,000 - daily riders on New York's subways and busses
22,000,000 - amount the city is suing the TWU (per day) if a strike happens
62,000 - average salary of a subway and bus operator
32,000 - average salary for a person living in Brooklyn
36,050 - average salary for a person living in Queens
40,000 - average salary for a person living in Nassau County
38,000 - average salary for a person living in Suffolk County
25,100 - starting salary for a NYPD police officer
25,000 - daily fine for a striking worker
1980 - Last transit strike, which lasted for 11 days
50 - degrees on the first day of the 1980 strike (it will be 25 tomorrow)
5 - Shopping days left before Christmas

Mayor Mike has announced that if the TWU members walk off the job, the city will enforce the Taylor Laws which bar public employees from striking. Bloomberg has also went to a judge and asked for fines of $25,000 a day for each worker and $1,000,000 for the Union. The leadership of the Union could face jail time and the city might sue for damages. Enforcement could bankrupt the union.

Taylor Law - §210 1. No public employee or employee organization shall engage in a strike, and no public employee or employee organization shall cause, instigate, encourage, or condone a strike.
Bloomberg stated that a strike will cost the city an estimated $400,000,000 a day. The strike has already caused sales at local merchants to drop off 30-40% on Friday because of the looming strike.

The TWU has set procedures on the shutdown tonight on their website:

-Chain and lock each STATION TURNSTILE at 12:01 a.m. STAIRWAY GATES and HIGH GATES shall remain open to allow passengers to leave the system.
-REMAIN ON DUTY UNTIL PROPERLY RELIEVED BY A SUPERVISOR
-Members will not perform emergency services.
-NO BUS IS TO BE ABANDONED ON THE STREET AFTER THE STRIKE BEGINS.
Other Links
TWU Local 100 Site
Bicycling tips
NYC.gov Strike Info
Strike Blogging: Countdown to a Strike
It's a Strike
Strike Forecast: Sucky
Strike Blogging

Strike Blogging: Countdown to a Strike

SOURCES WANTED: Commuting to New York? The Morning Call wants to talk to local New York commuters with transit strike looming.Please supply names, cell phone numbers and departure times. Email: news@mcall.com; phone: 610-820-6566. (The Morning Call)


Let The Bums Strike!

New Yorkers are hours away from a transit strike and I have one request for the MTA: Let them strike!

New York needs to update the subways and it is clear that theMTA should do what Paris and Washington DC already know: Computers speed up service, cut costs, and never go on strike.

Final Offer: The MTA has laid out it's "final offer" - 3% over 36 months and retirement to be raised to 62 after 30 years of employment. The TWU wants 8% raises and to lower the retirement age to 50 after 20 years on the job. Currently, they can retire at 55 with 25 years on the job. The MTA also wants new hires to contribute 1% of their salary to health benefits (they would also get a 1% match on their 401k). The TWU wants the MTA to make no changes to benefits.

So I'll wake up tomorrow and hope that I face a couple of miles of walking to get to work. I hope millions of angry New Yorkers and tourists have to walk or pay huge taxi fares tomorrow. I will pray for utter chaos on the streets of The Big Apple in the AM. Maybe one day of striking will put the need for an updated system into focus for the big shots at the MTA.

As for the bus and subway conductors who will walk off the job in a few hours: Enjoy the day off.




Other Links
NYC.gov Strike Info
It's a Strike
Strike Forecast: Sucky
Strike Blogging

Brooklyn Dems Crook the Books

New York-based charity "Uth-Turn" is a 501c3 Non-profit organization which labels itself an "innovative community focused prevention/intervention program for youth ages 13-21". The group offers counseling instead of jail-time for first-time offenders. The group now finds itself in hot water.

Brooklyn Democrats have tapped the charity as a source of labor to perform "grunt work" on local political campaigns during the 2005 election cycle. Charities can lose their tax-exempt status for participating in political campaigns.

A report on one juvenile stated: "[The] youth is motivated [and] has performed several tasks for officials seeking election." Brooklyn Criminal Court Judge Matthew Sciarrino took on the charity citing this was the third Uth-Turn defendant who was used for Election Day campaigns. "The defendants should not be involved in politics," Sciarrino said.

(Source - NY Post)

The Man in Beantown

The Man did Boston this weekend.

To say that New Yorkers are in hostile territory while in Boston is a bit of an understatement. But it's not that Bostonians really hate New York, they're just jealous and therefore have a huge inferiority complex.

Case and point: Go to Boston and look for Manhattan Clam Chowder. Hint: you will find it named "Rhode Island Clam Chowder".

Looking for a New York Yankees shirt in Boston? Odds are you will end up with one that has the words "choke", "suck", or "go to hell". I think I saw one with all three in Faneuil Hall.
I'll stop busting Boston's chops now, it's a great city with an amazing history - unmatched by any city in America. For a history buff, it's my Graceland. If every city could meld the old and new as Boston has (minus The Big Dig), our country would be better off. I tip my Tricorne Hat to the developers and people of Boston.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Weekend Caption Contest

Number One Caption Contest
(Source - Reuters)


Top 10 Entries
10. So this is what one person one vote looks like. No wonder we don't have that in Chicago. - Lawhawk
9. BIDEN: "...And this little piggy went, 'Donald Rumsfeld is a moron who got us into an illegal war for oil!!!' God bless the Iraqi people." - Damian G.
8. Ugh, I gotta start doing the cigar thing.... - tongueboy
7. "What do you mean I only get to vote once?. (chuckles) Silly Iraqi's" - Troll
6. "Pull my finger." - Renee
5. With an error margin of plus or minus 6%, Joe Biden shows a reporter the total number of conservatives that don't think he's an a$$hole. - Jimmyb
4. Do you like your Christmas present? I picked it just for you. - V the K
3. Wow, I gotta tell John, Nancy and Howie this isn't as bad as it looks from back home. - DaveD
2. "And you all thought I'd been sticking my thumb up my own @$$." - G&R
1. "Don't worry if I'm not an Iraqi citizen. Unregistered voters and felons vote Democrat all the time in my country." - Wyatt Earp


Previous Contests
Santa's Got a Brand New Bag
Broken Down and Horny
Black Friday
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Jihadis don't play golf

It's a Strike

RANT WARNING

TWU Union President: The MTA is putting a lock on the middle class for their workers.

How is that? Their workers make more on average than the subway and bus riders. The MTA offered 3% over 3 years. That is what the average straphanger can hope to expect. They can retire at 55 with full benefits for themselves and family. They pay nothing for health care.

Why does a police officer make less than a subway operator? Same for teachers! I say we cut their pay, replace the subway conductors with computers. Excuse me if I am not sympathetic to a bunch of greedy bastards.

Making us pay increased fares to pay for your bloated salaries is putting a lock on the middle class for us.

Update: It is not a real strike, some busses in Queens will have workers strike. The TWU will strike on Tuesday if an agreement is not signed.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Voting Dead: Memphis

Voters in Memphis went to the polls in September to choose a replacement for John Ford. Ford was arrested for issuing death threats to an undercover FBI agent (three times) and taking bribes in a sting that netted 4 other crooked politicians. The election included Democrat Ophelia Ford (John Ford's sister), Republican Terry Roland, and Independent Robert 'Prince Mongo' Hodges. I wrote about the outcome here.

With another Ford running, what could go wrong?

Records show Joe L. Light, 70, died Aug. 6 of colon cancer, yet someone signed his name on Sept. 15 in the poll book at Precinct 27-1 at Fire Station No. 6 in North Memphis.
The poll book from that location also listed a voter named Archie L. Kirkwood, 72. Kirkwood's daughter told a reporter that her mother had not voted in 10 years and her arthritis made her signature illegible. Besides not voting in a decade and having bad handwriting, Archie Kirkwood died on August 30th of hypertensive cardiovascular disease, two weeks before the election.

The same handwriting for the two dead voters also appears on three additional ballots from the same polling center.

The election was decided by only 13 votes so Republican Terry Roland is asking the Tennessee Senate to overturn the election because of the voting problems. A Senate committee meets on December 21st to review the allegations.

(Source - Commercial Appeal)

Transit Strike Forecast: Sucky

The transit strike is only hours away and many New York workers are preparing for a long walk tomorrow morning if 38,000 workers walk off the job late tonight.

The weather forecast for tomorrow's commute: Sucky with a chance of increasing suck later in the morning. The entire morning commute features heavy showers and 42º.

The strike will not alter plans for The Party Formerly Known as a Christmas Party, where Flip has me working the Kick Andrew Sullivan in the Nuts booth.

Plus, I don't have to work tomorrow, so enjoy the walk suckers! To further jinx commuters, I predict there will be no strike as a deal will be worked out at the last minute. I have done well predicting death totals on 24, not so hot on predicting anything else.

Previous Post
Strike Blogging

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: Honing the Patriot Act

If you were a US Congressman, what provisions would you add to the Patriot Act?


If I were a US Congressman, after I moved to rename a few buildings in my honor, I'd rename The Patriot Act. I would need to rename the Patriot act as to not have people confuse it with my own Patriots Act (HR - 1856 - SAE).

The Patriots Act will have the NFL move the New England Patriots from the AFC East to the NFC East. This will ensure that the NY Jets (who are in the AFC East) will not have to play (and lose) to the Patriots twice a season.

This will also move Donovan McNabb to our division so Jonathan Vilma can make him cry twice a year. Better eat your chunky soup you overrated hack. How are you going to update donovanmcnabb.com when you're eating liquids through a straw?

Daffy's takes on McGreevey.


(ad on phonebooth at 56th and 3rd)

At least I think they're talking about McGreevey. I just don't see Christine Todd Whitman as being that kinky...or is she?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Killer Klaus

Nothing makes the holiday complete without putting out the Christmas lights, candles, and the knife-welding killer Santa complete with a bloody, severed head.

Outside a $3 million brownstone on East 18th Street in Manhattan a family really shows that money cannot buy you class.

Joel Krupnik, 58, and his wife, Mildred Castellanos, 43 claims they are protesting the commercialization of the Yule season. Castellanos supplied the beheaded dolls; she has a collection of them. That is one place to avoid on Halloween and I'd hate to see their display at Easter.

"It's bad...Santa's face and hair are red - Santa shouldn't look like that." - Sean Conlon, 5

Your damn right Sean.

(Source - NY Post)

Click Here for details on how you can "stick it to the man" at the NYC Party Formerly Known as a Christmas Blogger Party.






Update: 12/14 NY Post Cartoon by Sean Delonas

Click Here for more GOP and the City

Monday, December 12, 2005

New York Strike Blogging

We are less than a week away from a transit strike in New York city. This Friday we could see 38,000 members of the Transport Workers Union walk off the job if a contract is not finalized. A strike will bring all city subways and busses to a stop at the height of tourist season.

The union is asking for 24% over three years (8% a year). The MTA offered 5% (3% this year and 2% next year), which the union rejected. The average worker can only expect 3.5% in 2006, according to the LA Times.

The effects of the looming strike can already be felt. I spent 30 minutes on a 10 minutes subway ride on the E train this morning. Each stop, the doors flew open and instead of the usual quick closing, the conductor held the doors for what seemed like an eternity. I spoke with co-workers who repeated similar stories from all over the city.

The NY Post reports that the TWU has put out a booklet that details how its members can cause havoc prior to the strike.

Do's
-Take full allotted time to prepare the train for service
-When the train goes BIE (break-in Emergency), check sufficient distance behind the train after walking around the train
-On yard moves, inspect all equipment and read the iron before moving train
Don'ts
-Release full-service break until you have solid indication.
-Second-guess signals. When in doubt, stop and call control center.
-Open train doors until the train has come to a complete stop.
-Leave the terminal without checking for strike marks and snow block.
I have no idea what these mean, but for riders it appears to mean longer subway rides. Post any gripes about slow service below.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Weekend Caption Contest

Santa's Little Helper Caption Contest
(Source - Marine Times)

Top 10
10. It looks like Andrew Sullivan got what he wanted for Christmas. -A bunch of men in uniform. - The Man
9. Airman: Santa, you carpet-bombed five soft targets. You do realise that our payload was lethal, not merry, right? - Damian G
8. "Sorry, Santa, but France won't allow you to fly over their airspace." - Wyatt Earp
7. Santa ain't fooling around with Terrorists this year. Forget the coal. Santa is delivering Hellfire missles this year. - PCD
6. Santa, tired of using his eco-friendly (but slow) reindeer and sleigh, thumbs his nose at environmentalists by using a military plane that, he says, "hauls a**." - Pam
5. Tim Burton's movies just kept getting more and more nonsensical... - Adjustah
4. Santa: F!#@ing PETA and their 'Reindeer Rights' campaign! - Buckley F. Williams
3. USAF: When it ABSOLUTELY has to be there overnight." - GOP and College
2. What can blue do for you? - The Man
1. The Christmas season got off to a fabulous start when Santa got the news that he'd be able to use an F-15 for deliveries to Iran, Syria, and Saudi Arabia. - lawhawk

Photoshop Entries

"Santa, on behalf of the entire USAF, we are really, really sorry".
-The Man







-Joe Mama







Previous Contests
Broken Down and Horny
Black Friday
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Jihadis don't play golf
Paris is so Hot
I Hardly Nuked Ya

Frank J. & SarahK's Wedding

Filthy Lie Assignment:
What will Evil Glenn be doing during Frank J. & SarahK's wedding?
Despite the rumors, Evil Glenn was indeed invited to Frank J. and SarahK's wedding. However, I did not get an invitation...Large Mammals must have not been invited, Mortal Humans can be so snotty. But I digress.

Evil Glenn just informed me that he'll not be able to attend the wedding because he needs more time to get them "the perfect gift" from Target. Heh.


Previous Evil Glenn Entries
Evil Glenn's Musical
Evil Glenn's Voices
Evil Glenn's Cruise Line
Evil Glenn/Instapundit's Last Post
Blogads on The Space Shuttle
Evil Glenn on Mother's Day
Evil Glenn and Baseball

GOP Fires Broadside


If they keep putting together stuff like this, I may have to start donating money to the GOP again. As much as Howard Dean cannot raise money for the DNC, he sure as hell can raise money for the GOP.

But I have to wonder about a link I saw on the site:

The Iraq War? I remember seeing something about it on CNN.

Update: "My words to Howard Dean are simple - shut up," - Rep. Earl Pomeroy (D-ND)

What a Numbskull

A police officer in Norwalk, Connecticut was fired after removed a bizarre souvenir from a horrible accident scene. Liam Callahan arrived at an accident scene and ended up stealing a skull fragment that he planned to use as an ashtray.

(For more on the accident click here, its pretty gross)

The victim's family is suing the city and the lawsuit claims another officer mishandled a similar piece of bone. The family does not know what happened to additional remains that were taken from the scene.

Callahan showed off his booty to fellow officers before storing the potential ashtray in his gear bag, Callahan then placed it in his locker. Later, Callahan called a sergeant "to say he mistakenly left the skull fragment in his locker". Oops.

You want to know the bizarre part of this story? Liam Callahan is appealing his punishment; a hearing is scheduled later this month. How many of you work at a job where you can appeal your punishment if HR finds a skull in your desk?

(Source - 7online)

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Big Snow or Big Hype?

Sam Champion is saying our snow will start around 3-4am and continue all day Friday leaving 5 inches in the city. North of the city will get between 6-10 inches by midday Friday.

What say you?

Israel On The Move

"You oppressed them, so give a part of Europe to the Zionist regime so they can establish any government they want. We would support it....So, Germany and Austria, come and give one, two or any number of your provinces to the Zionist regime so they can create a country there which all of Europe will support and the problem will be solved at its root" - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad


Anyone have a problem with this guy's access to nukes? Give me a call when the B-52s are over Isfahan.

Zut Alors!


Another brilliant cartoon by NY Post Cartoonist Sean Delonas

Mother Nature's Sense of Humor

There were no grades, pop quizzes or textbooks. But a speech by former Vice President Al Gore at Stanford University on Tuesday night offered more than 1,000 pupils a crash course in global warming. - Mercury News (12/6)

I remember when Al Gore came to New York City to deliver a speech on Global Warming back in 2004. The day he gave the speech, temperatures in The Big Apple dropped to the lowest in 121 years. I almost froze my butt off walking from the Fulton Street Subway station to the World Financial Center.

Low Temp Records set on 12/6-12/7
Lubbock, TX 6°
West Yellowstone, Montana -45°

Missoula, Montana -16°
Seeley Lake, Montana -26°
Potomac, Montana -34°
Drummond, Montana -28°

Val Verda, Utah 6°
Randolph, Utah -24°

Denver, Colorado -13°
Yampa, Colorado -23°
Laramie, Wyoming -25°
Alliance, Nebraska -17°
Iowa City, Iowa -13°
Cedar Rapids, Iowa -19°
Chicago, Illinois 4°
Lincoln, Illinois -3°

CNN - Chicago Tribune - Daily Interlake - Denver Post - Salt Lake Tribune

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: A Cloud For Your Silver Lining

1) Find actual good news in the War on Terror
2) put anti-war spin on it to make it sound like bad news.

Marine Times (good news): Hamza Rabia was Al-Qaeda's #3 man. He was in charge of the group's foreign operations until he ended up on the wrong end of a US Hellfire missile fired from a Predator drone.

Al Jazeera:
Al-Qaeda recently announced a restructuring in its global hierarchy. Abu Al-Santana, who until recently was ranked #4 has been promoted to #3 and is now in charge of foreign operations. Al-Santana had been in charge of Al-Qaeda's Myspace page and global bioterror operations.

BBC:
Yet another peace-loving civilian has been killed by the US Military. Hamza Rabia was killed when a missile was fired into the home he was staying in.

CNN:
Asked about the accuracy of the reports of Rabia's death, Pakistani President Musharraf stated that he was "200% confirmed" that Rabia was killed, which means that Musharraf has taken mathematics lessons from President Bush. CNN has confirmed that Bush is 100% a moron.

New York Times:
President Bush's approval ratings did not show any signs of improving following the killing of a low-level Al-Qaeda operative.

Newsday:
Congressman Murtha (D-PA) stated today that the killing of Hamza Rabia by using a Hellfire missile is another sign that the military is weak and forced to rely on drones.

GOP and the City:
The CIA reports that Hamza Rabia had blue eyes...one blew there...one blew there. Rabia may have had dandruff since his Head-and-Shoulders could not be found.

Previous Assignments
My Pet Moonbat
MSM Patriots
Vive Sox Blanc!
Anti-War Rally Gear
Who Let the Dog Out?
Why is Katrina Bush's fault?
Who would you speak to?
Top 10 Potential Pirro Slogans
Top 10 signs your co-worker is a terrorist
Top 10 signs the terrorists are losing
Dancing with the detainees
Iraqi bumper stickers
Top 10 reasons DRNK is grumpy

Ship of Fools

The who's who of NY Blogs will be at "The Party Formerly Known as a Christmas Party" on December 15th.

The Lexington Democratic Club will be having a Christmas Holiday Party on December 14th. Fittingly enough, it will be held at The Ship of Fools.

(Hat Tip - The Politicker)

If You See Something, Say Something


The MTA thanks our passengers and reminds them to:
•Be alert to unattended packages.
•Be wary of suspicious behavior.
And remember, if you see something, say something. Alert a police officer, train or bus operator, station personnel or call 888-NYC-SAFE (888-692-7233).
-taken from an MTA website

Blogger RFTR noticed an unattended package, left by a person running off a Metro-North train as the doors closed. When notified by a person sitting nearby, the conductor ignored the warning. 20 minutes later, RFTR notified the conductor and was told "don't worry; we'll put it in the Metro-North lost and found when we get to Grand Central—I know all about it."

You can read his whole post here, if you are a New Yorker please call 311 to complain.

Hooked on Phonics



(WABC Headline)

NY Post Delivers

"...the idea that we're going to win the war in Iraq is an idea which is just plain wrong." - Le Howard Dean

In response to Howard Dean's call for giving up on Iraq, the New York Post put together a Care Package for the cheese-eating surrender monkey wing of the Democratic Party. The package, which includes Jane Fonda's book and a white flag, was delivered to the NY State Democratic Headquarters on Madison Avenue and was accepted.

Heartfelt care package contents:
WHITE FLAG - the real national symbol of France
BERET - to look stylish in the land of weasels
TICKET TO PARIS - City of Cowards, here he comes!
JANE FONDA BIO - His primer on how to be a traitor
'AXIS OF WEASELS' SHIRT - it says, “Yes, I'm yellow


The NY post forgot to pack the salami.

Here is the address for the NY Dems, if you want to send your own package:
NY State Democratic Party
60 Madison Avenue
New York, NY 10010