Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Sterilize Scott Harper Now

18-year old Scott Harper should be sterilized so he's not allowed to reproduce and potentially contaminate the gene pool we all enjoy. But, who am I kidding? A guy who takes a dare to make a complete ass of himself in front of 50,000 Yankee fans is probably not going to get very far with the ladies. Scott Harper probably considers himself lucky if he remembers the zipper of his pants are supposed to be in the front.

Harper told three friends he was sitting with that he was going to test whether the net would hold his weight

Instead of assuming the Yankees did not cut costs on park maintenance so they can pay A-Rod, he dove from the upper-deck of Yankee Stadium into the netting that rises from behind home-plate. Scott Harper is being charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, criminal trespass and disorderly conduct. Too bad being stupid is not a crime; otherwise Scott Harper would face the death penalty. Unfortunately for you Darwinites, the net held; natural selection my ass.

Oh yes, Scott Harper has a future.
Scott Harper's Career Ambitions:
1. Ejection seat tester
2. Competitive smoker
3. Professional Russian Roulette player
4. Rodeo Clown
5. 50 Cent body double
6. Bullet-proof vest tester
7. Russian Sub operator

Got any other career suggestions for Scott Harper? Post a comment.