Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Joys of Flight

As I mentioned, I just flew back from my honeymoon...and boy are my arms tired. (pause, wait for laughs). While I was flying, I finished the book 1776 (loved it), and searched for something else to occupy the time. As I have done since my first flight when I was around five years old, I flipped through the always entertaining SkyMall catalog.

In these times of terror, everyone wants to know why the evil terrorists hate us. Well the answer is right there, next to the barf bag and the emergency procedure pamphlet. SkyMall is the reason the world hates Americans and it should be removed from flights. It is a cheaper option than anti-missile defense and Air Marshals.

As the G8 leaders were meeting in Scotland to discuss the problem of poverty and debt in Africa, I was asking myself what color shoes would my dog like or if I needed an automatic watch winder. If a terrorist got a copy of this, there's no stopping him or her from using it against us as a propaganda showing the capitalist Americans are more interested in spending money on Harry Potter wands instead of using it for good.

Sure there will be some job losses because of the removal of the SkyMall from all flights. But, the military is having a hard time recruiting, they can hire the former copywriters from the SkyMall catalog. If someone can convince me that I need a hotdog cooker that also warms the buns (it comes in either white, silver, red, or black), they could probably get a high school kid to enlist in the military.