Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Generation Duuhh - Part 7

Sometimes They Come Back

In previous posts (Generation Duhh Part 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6) I highlight and mock the essays of some of today's youth. The day will soon come that these same young Einsteins will start to enter the workforce. This story comes from a former essayist who is looking for work, God help us.

Ask any office worker about some of the people who get hired at their place of business and you can tell that movies like Office Space and shows like The Office have plenty of material to work with. From my own experience, I'm trying to pick my favorite story. It is either the girl who was hired and started on a Monday then took Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off before quitting on Friday. Then there was the guy who spent way too much time in adult chat rooms at work. The IT department got wind of it and logged into the same chat room and struck up a conversation with him. His last day in the office soon followed (no it was not me). He also told a client they had really big boobies.

Barring a wave of interest in the VHEMT (The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement), there will be plenty of stories like this to go around when Generation "Duuhhh" enters the work force. For a peek at what to expect, I offer this exclusive preview of the next wave of your co-workers. To prepare, make sure the water cooler has labels (or pictures) to distinguish between the hot and cold water.

(Click images for a larger view)

Any Farkers out there? All together now - "Duke Sucks".

Now on to the Work Experience Section, notice how the elderly are lumped together as "the geriatric set, I can almost feel the compassion.

Next comes the Leadership Experience section of the resume. They started an ESL class for the predominantly immigrant cleaning staff. The resume also states they taught English and publicized the class (I assume in Spanish).
The second leadership bullet caught my eye. The resume states they spent the summer of 2003 living as a field hand with immigrant families from Central America living in Los Angeles, including two weeks with their cleaning lady from Guatamala, resulting in the best two weeks of her life.

In the Skills section they list "Some Spanish". Why the hell were they teaching ESL if they had a just "some" skills at Spanish? I can only imagine a Duke student picking beans in LA informing another farm hand "Quiero testículos de asno" while attempting to ask for a drink of water.

Finally, check out the third "skill". Yo, word to your madre!