Monday, February 28, 2005

Google Rankings

How ironic is it that a website run by "The Man" is listed as the top rated site on Google's search for the word "Aluminum Beanie "?

Update: Since I am also #1 for the Google search for "Man shot at hot 97 radio station", I guess I should link to that story.

The station that aired a racist parody of "We are the World" while mocking the Tsunami victims, was the scene of a shooting of one of 50 Cent's posse. The gunman tried to flee the carjacking a Sanitation Department Snowplow. The station is familiar with rappers drawing gunfire, the body guards for rappers Lil' Kim and Foxy Brown exchanged shots in 2001.
Click Here for a NY Post article on the story

Other #1 Google Rankings
Dolphin outfit
You are so liberal if
Rove Conspiracy Theory
Mallard Fillmore
more to come....

Here She Comes

Screw Punxsutawney Phil and his "six more weeks of winter". The New York area is looking at another 12-24 inches of snow and 45 MPH wind gusts from a Noreaster starting this afternoon. Local weathermen have been as clueless as Paris Hilton at a MENSA meeting, those no-talent jokers predicting only 2-4 inches earlier this week, now we are staring at 24. Sam Champion can kiss my butt.

Other links
Slant Point is snow-blogging

Generation Duuhh - Part 3

Red State, Dumb State

My sister works at a test-prep company and has sent over a few examples of essays written by kids trying to get into college.

This young Einstein was supposed to expand on the idea that the majority was right throughout history. Apparently "the majority" are rednecks in the south and "history" is the 2004 election.

Note, " is not always the best to put the people in control". As opposed to the machines? In retrospect, SkyNet be a better alternative?

Apparently, if your state voted for Bush, you are poor and stupid. Also, those poor-stupid red states are not as knowledgeable about the government. The little Michael Moore-wannabe is upset at the "2004 Presidential Elections", I only counted one.

And now for a lesson in southern politics: Southerners watch commercials on TV, then vote for the person who is like a southerner. I wonder why John Kerry never thought run commercials on TV in the south (I am John-Boy Kerry and I want your vote, yeee-haw). "...the media can heavily influence the majority into voting for the candidate that is not right for the people", the student writes. So the media wanted Bush to win? You could have fooled me.

Other links
Part 1
Part 2

Friday, February 25, 2005

Winning Caption

From Slant Point's weekly caption contest

The winning caption below, posted by me, was funny enough to pull out 1st place.

Ha Ha Ha, Non Monsieur Bush! Vous ne pouvez pas voir le Paris Hilton.
Translation: No Mr. Bush! You cannot see the Paris Hilton.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

ABC UFO Special

Anyone else catch the UFO special on ABC? Man that is some spooky stuff, overall a cool show. I would give it two thumbs up, but the damn aliens sawed off one of mine to take back to their base on the far side of Pluto. So, therefore, I give it one thumb and one nub up.

They must have had problems selling ad space, hence the ads for the "Store-n-spin", "grip-n-flip", and "Nu-ft". I am way too analytical to believe in alien abduction or invasion. But the idea that life is out there intrigues me. We would be silly to think that we are the only ones out there. While there is probably life out there, somewhere, I do not think we have aliens among us...or do we? If you are an alien or have seen a UFO, please email me or leave a comment to this post.

Letters From Brooklyn - Part 3

The kids were manipulated, they should fire social studies teacher Alex Kunhardt. That is the opinion of the father of Pfc. Rob Jacobs. The soldier received letters from Kunhardt's 6th grade class that would make Jane Fonda blush.

The teacher asked the students of his class to write a letter to a "fictitious soldier or veteran," according to outraged parents. Kunhardt never mentioned that the letters were to be sent to a real, live soldier overseas. Only after the letters were turned in did the teacher ask if the youngsters wanted their letters sent to a soldier. Only half of the class agreed to let their letters be sent to Jacobs, showing they indeed have higher intelligence then their teacher. School officials said that Kunhardt would be reprimanded.

Alex Kunhardt will soon be back in front of 12 year olds, clearly manipulating young minds. I suggest he plan a field trip to Ground Zero, to show the kiddies what our brave soldiers are fighting for.

(Source - NY Post)

Other Links
Ball State editorial
African online paper picks up the story
View from the UK

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Letters From Brooklyn - Part 2

"By the way, when you shoot someone, is it great or horrible?"
-exerpt from a letter

Brooklyn social studies teacher Alex Kunhardt apologized and took the heat for the letters that his 6th grade punks sent to Army Pfc. Rob Jacobs, who is currently in Korea. "I never meant for the words of my students to hurt any of our troops. The responsibility for this action is mine alone, and I apologize." stated Kunhardt. The teacher has yet to state if he coached the kids into writing the slurs or if he proofread the letters before sending them out. The NY Department of Education is also sending an apology to the soldier.

Mayor Bloomberg jumped into the frat with: "We have freedom of speech and you certainly cannot go around censoring what people want to write, "I think most of [the soldiers overseas] believe that the freedoms that we have, like the freedom to write critical letters, are protected by them putting their lives at risk."

(Source - NY post)

Other links
Stars and Stripes picked up the story
Editorial blasts Bloomberg's response
Political Dogs want heads to roll

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Newsday Letters To The Editor - Part 4

Newsday, the liberal rag on Long Island. If an asteroid was going to smash into us and the world was going to end in 4 days, Newsday would announce a 7-part daily exclusive on how George W. Bush was to blame. Then some quack from Littleneck would write a letter to the editor on how Bush also was to blame for the Titanic, Little Bighorn, and Light Beer.

Newsday Letters To The Editor Conspiracy-meter
Titles colored green represents low levels of conspiracy theorem, Yellow is for mid-level, Orange represents the next level, and Red is for the most absurd levels of conspiracy theory. The Red entries also get awarded an official Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.

Click Here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

'Mallard' not comic
"Mallard Fillmore" is not really a comic strip. On most days, it features a single panel in which a crudely-drawn duck spouts one-sentence cliches worthy of Rush Limbaugh. I never would have bothered to comment on it were it not for the gall of the Feb. 11 edition. It urged readers to write and demand that editors allow the poor persecuted duck to continue "speaking truth to power."
Please! Isn't it enough that purveyors of right-wing prejudice dominate the culture? Must they also pretend they are crusaders victimized by the "liberal media"? Here's hoping that this cheap ploy backfires, and triggers a flood of letters urging you to pluck the duck.
Nicholas Levis - East Rockaway

Get rid of 'Mallard'
If Newsday paid the syndicator for the "Mallard Fillmore" strip that ran on Feb. 11, you were defrauded. A plea for letters from supporters of Bruce Tinsley's "the-right-is-never-wrong" propagandizing is advertising. He should have to pay you. His recent playing of the race card against anyone who dares criticize Condi Rice has proved so indefensibly dishonest that he needs to appeal for his own survival.Please dump this strip. Replace it with one that presents a right-wing viewpoint honestly, and occasionally lampoons even (gasp!) the foibles of his own side - if you can find one.
Matt Maloney - Lindenhurst

Don't call it a war
When are we going to stop calling this debacle in Iraq a war? We were never attacked or threatened by Iraq, nor did it ever pose a threat to our security. Iraq offered virtually no resistance to our "shock and awe."And yet billions later, close to 1,500 soldiers are dead, thousands are wounded and the numbers rise each day. What stunning execution by this administration. President George W. Bush certainly supports this so-called war, but he does not support our troops.No plan, no solution, no comfort, no respect and no end in sight. So let's not call this a war but rather exactly what it is: arrogant stupidity.
Robert Forte - Old Westbury

Dean will get last laugh
I'm sure the Republicans, with great assistance from the monolithic press, will now label the Democratic Party as the "Scream" team rather than the "Dream" team. It's this cynical and sarcastic caricatural depiction of Howard Dean that makes my blood boil.While the Republicans chuckle and ridicule, Dean is quietly gathering the disavowed masses and ensuring the last laugh for himself.
Anthony J. Frascino - Audubon, N.J.

'Gates' bring whimsy
It took about $21 million of Christo and Jeanne-Claude's money to bring about a collective New York smile. Free and open to all, "The Gates" have collectively hugged us all and brought whimsy back into New York. (editor's note: I just added this one because I have never heard anyone say New York needed "whimsy")
Kate Valerio - Lake Grove

'lockbox' theory
Al Gore's much-maligned "lockbox" theory for the Social Security trust fund doesn't look so comical now, does it? If the government had shored up the fund with the Bill Clinton surpluses, instead of wasting them on needless tax cuts for the wealthy that erased those surpluses, we wouldn't be dealing with the current debate over President George W. Bush's absurd privatization scheme.
Brad Barrett - Smithtown

Letters bash Bush
I read your letters section every day. On an almost daily basis, you have several letters that bash President George W. Bush.
During the election campaign, you would post about nine memos that trashed the president to every one that was favorable. It was obvious that Newsday was doing its part to try to get Bush defeated.I thought after the election that this would subside. I was wrong. I think Newsday is disappointed that Bush won. One would think by reading the letters that Bush's favorable approval ratings must be 5 to 10 percent. In fact, according to the Gallup Polls, his ratings have ranged from a low of 46 in May of 2004 to a high of 90 percent in September of 2001, which is the highest approval rating ever recorded for any president. I would think that your letters would show a more balanced view.
Pete Massaro - Lindenhurst

Conspiracy Theory: Rove Planted CBS Docs

Fellow NY Blogger, Confederate Yankee is on this story like Kirstie Alley on a hoagie. Click here for an email he put out to his district's congressman. Here is a quick primer on the story; Democratic Congressman Hinchey claims that Karl Rove planted the forged National Guard documents that sunk CBS and Dan Rather into an abyss of denial. On a personal note, Karl Rove did slip me Dan Rather's 2nd grade report card.

"I have no proof..."
-U.S. Rep. Maurice D. Hinchey, D-Hurley
How many conspiracy theories that end up on Snopes, start out with "I have no proof, but..."? Think of all the nutjobs who have went to the authorities on stories of black helicopters, alien abduction, and Elvis sightings. How embarrassing is it that your representative in Congress uses such phrases to lash out at our president? If I were Bob over at Confederate Yankee, I would be upset too.

"And I said that. In the very beginning. I said, 'It's my belief that those papers, and that setup, originated with Karl Rove and the White House."
For his role in spreading lies and conspiracy theories, I hereby grant Maurice Hinchey an official GOP and the City, Aluminum beanie (tin foil hat). Wear it with pride Maurice. I hope your followers in New York's 22nd District enjoy your leadership and ascend with you to the mothership.

Additional thought: I thought Republicans were dumb, knuckle-dragging, bible-thumping, morons. How then, did we dupe the vastly superior intellect that permeates the media with forged documents?

Other Links
Audio of the comments here
Transcript here
Carpe Bonum calls Hinchey out
The Moderate Liberal calls comments "stupid"
BSC notes the media silence
A Little Reason drags Cody into the fray
Myopic Zeal is also covering the story
UNCoRRELATED the spam-a-nator
Mudville Gazette has a poll
Musing Minds want to know
Michelle Malkin reports
Buffalog is also a NY blogger covering the story
Karl Rove, Super Wizard
Hinchey, Moore-on
Don't drink the Dem Kool-aid
Also blogging: Walking on the Right, Logical Meme, Rightwing News, No Illusions, A Word From the Right, Dr. Sanity, Winds of Change, BitsBlog, ChiCon, Way Off Bass, Darleen's Place, Wise Words, Dog Snot, PowerPundit, The Political Teen, INDC, Commonwealth Conservative, The Opinionated Bastard, Ace of Trump, The Baron, Silent Running, Conservative Groundswell, The Pink Flamingo

Letters From Brooklyn

When Pfc. Rob Jacobs received letters from 6th graders from Brooklyn, the last thing he expected to read were accusations of soldiers, "destroying holy places like mosques." another letter included a prediction "only 50 or 100 [soldiers] will survive." A mildly sympathetic tot wrote that Pfc Jacobs was "being forced to kill innocent people". A muslim boy wrote "Even those [sic] you are risking your life for our country, have you seen how many civilians you or some other soldier killed?"

The teacher, Alex Kunhardt, will have some explaining to do. He supervised the Jane Fonda-writeoff campaign. Many of the 20 letters were supportive, but 9 were laced with insults to the president and the war. Kunhardt did not comment, but will contact Pfc Jacobs. Carmen Farina, New York City Deputy Schools Chancellor, plans on contacting Jacobs as well. As for Jacobs, he was shocked at the letters. He stated "If I were in Iraq and read that the youth of our nation doesn't want me to be there and doesn't believe in what I'm doing, it would mess up my head...It boggles my mind that children could think this stuff."

These kids from Brooklyn are a disgrace. If the teacher, Alex Kunhardt, read the anti-everything letters and let them go out, then shame on him. Imagine the morale of one of our soldiers, thousands of miles from home, and the only contact they have is from a pimple-faced brat in Brooklyn who takes Michael Moore talking points and uses them to trash the good work we are doing over there.

(Source - NY Post)

Friday, February 18, 2005

Who's Your Daddy, Part 2

In a previous post (Who's Your Daddy?), I wrote about Tennessee state Senator John Ford (D-Memphis). Ford holds down two residences, 6 children from three women, lives outside the district he is supposed to represent, and tried changing a state law to help his child support battles. Ford listed his residence as 12 South Parkway in West Memphis, which is a family-owned funeral home.

A state ethics committee now will also look into a report that Ford accepted $237,000 over two years from a "business partnership" with OmniCare Health Plan, a company with ties to the failed socialized healthcare program, TennCare. State law requires disclosure of private income in excess of $1,000 Ford broke the rule by 23,600%. At the same time, the Registry of Election Finance is looking into allegations that Ford spent campaign money on personal expenses, Ford ran unopposed in 2002. He is up for reelection in 2006; the charges could result in his removal from the Senate and possible jail time. Records show that Ford dipped into campaign funds and paid $18,400 to his girlfriend for "professional services", $2,450 to his ex-wife, $400 to a North Carolina woman who Ford pays child support, and $11,000 to a woman who got into a fight with Ford's wife. Not to leave anyone out, Ford also made payments from his campaign coffers to his daughters, one got payments in 2003 when she was married. For the wedding, Ford paid $9,000 for the reception. He also paid $1,500 for "Awesome Wedding Videos", but on the campaign report the word "wedding" was later removed.

When reached for comment by a Memphis reporter, Ford replied: "I don't need, nor do I want to talk to you or anybody else. I'm telling you! Warning you! I have no comment! So you don't have to call. If you do, I'm going to call the police and have you arrested for harassment!" Ironic coming from a man who may soon be arrested himself.

(Source - Tennessean)

Thursday, February 17, 2005

New York Politics Roundup

It's Show Time
Council Member Gale Brewer (D-UWS) issued a bill that would force movie theaters to post when the movies actually start, not when the Coca-Cola ads and previews begin. Theaters who violate this bill would be subject to fines from $500-1,000 for each violation. Next on the busy agenda, stopping that annoying guy from starring in anymore commercials.

Commemorative Plates for Former Pols
Another bill introduced by Kenneth LaValle (R- Suffolk) would create a special license plate for former members of the New York State Legislature. Assemblyman Thomas Kirwan (R-Newburgh) noted "The former lawmakers might be chased by hundreds of outraged citizens who want to get their hands on them".

Something's Wrong With His Medulla Oblongata
Councilman Robert Jackson (D) called on Governor Pataki to "get the job done or resign, jackass,". Jackson was upset because Pataki has blocked $5.6 billion in additional funds for schools. Jackson also called Pataki "The devil" and held up a picture of the governor with horns coming out of his head. No word if Jackson colored the picture himself.

Caption Captain Carter Contest

Caption The Captain
The Navy is commissioning a Nuclear Attack Submarine and naming it after one of the worst presidents ever to reside in the White House. The peacenik Carter now spends his time poo-poohing President Bush, hanging out at the UN, and trying to sell his Nobel Prize on ebay. If Admiral "Bull" Halsey was alive today, he would enter this caption contest.

Top 10 Entries
10) I'd like to announce my new initiative to give this back to Panama.... - Terabitten
9) This is fine, but shouldn't it be yellow? - formercalifornian
8) Naming a nuclear sub after Jimmy Carter is like naming the Justice Department Bldg. after Hillary Clinton - Baynative
7) Jimma Carter holds the submarine named after him..the USS StupidAss - DainBramage
6) This is great, but I ordered freaking tuna on rye! - The Man
5) You engineers are really clever. Where did you put the solar panels? - gary
4) Thanks a Million Guys...Finally a Submarine Scaled to My Intellect - Cornpone
3) Okay you freaking Iranians, let's see you shoot this baby down in the desert. - JustaCowgirl
2) This sub reminds me of the economy when I was President - fat, out of control and sinking fast. - reagan_fanatic

Yes, I gave myself the #1 spot. Come on a quote from Zoolander....It is like throwing down "paper" when everyone else has "rock".
1) What is this? A submarine for ants? How can our sailors be expected to wage war if they can't even fit inside the ship? - The Man

Photoshop entries
"I love this ship"
- The Man

- jakkknif

- Sobek

- The Man

Previous Caption Contests
Top 10 Saudi Valentines
Caption the Moment
The Ex-Presidents Caption Contest
Konfirmation Kaption Kontest
Here's Your Sign Caption Contest
Caption Hill-n-Bill
Chappaquiddick Caption Contest
The People's Choice
Caption Kerry
Dirty Dog Caption Contest
Holiday Caption Contest
Saddam -a- GoGo
Caption Hillary - Part 1

-SlantPoint has a Howard Dean Caption Contest going on-
-OTB has another ocean-themed Caption Contest as well -

New York Liberal Admits Bush Was Right

"Maybe. But now our heroic and tragic liberal-intellectual capaciousness is facing its sharpest test since the collapse of the Soviet Union. Back then, most of us were forced, against our wills, to give Ronald Reagan a large share of credit for winning the Cold War. Now the people of this Bush-hating city are being forced to grant the merest possibility that Bush, despite his annoying manner and his administration’s awful hubris and dissembling and incompetence concerning Iraq, just might—might, possibly—have been correct to invade, to occupy, and to try to enable a democratically elected government in Iraq..."

Click Here to read the complete article. 1 New York liberal down, 5 million-plus to go.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Michael Jackson Tombstone

How does Michael Jackson blow his nose, without it falling off? Anyway here is my suggestion on what Michael Jackson should carve on his tombstone.

Other tombstone creations:
Jim Treacher
Physics Geek

Guess the Mystery Illness at A Small Victory

Make your own here

SS Jimmy Carter

When I first heard the Navy was naming an Attack Submarine after former president Jimmy Carter, I had to laugh. First, it's ironic that Carter is bering honored with a Cold War era platform that has little relevance in today's Navy, while Ronald Reagan was given a Nuclear Aircraft Carrier which will be an active and crucial part of our military for the next 50 years?

Second, after hearing this I kept thinking about how this reminds me of another goofball hippie who found themselves in a military situation, Oddball from Kelly's Heroes.

Oddball: Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?

Other Links
ScrappleFace reports the sub fires multiple-warhead Nerf missiles that only fire after the enemy has already struck the ship.
Day by Day is always a good way to start off the day

What if......

"You think the Republican National Committee could get this many people of color in a single room? Only if they had the hotel staff in here... We have to never be afraid to say what we believe"
- Howard Dean addressing the Congressional Black Caucasus

A fun conservative game to play is "what if a republican had said this". Imagine if the head of the RNC, Ken Mehlman, threw out this joke at a meeting? After Robert Byrd (D-KKK) was done laughing, he would run to the nearest camera to decry the Mehlman and the GOP as the party of racists and bigots. The media would jump all over it and call for an investigation, Jesse Jackson would march.

But since it was the Democratic Golden Child (Dean).....nothing

Update: Ken Mehlman called Dean's joke "racist". (hat tip - Oxen)
Update: Former Congressman J.C. Watts and Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele issue a statement on Dean's comments.
Update: Charles Rangel (D-NY) says Dean should apologize

Other Links
Newsday prints the story from the AP
Slant Point points to Dean's other racist moments
Confessions of a Political Junkie reports
RightSided posts the quote
Hube's Cube checks in
Even harpists are upset over this quote

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Newsday Letters To The Editor - Part 3

Newsday continues to be Long Island's leading anti-everything liberal rag. The only objective part of this newspaper are the coupons and the reporters who are imbedded with some troops in Iraq. The imbedded reporters have a blog, which you can check out here.

I have now added a new feature, the conspiracy-meter. Titles colored green represents low levels of conspiracy theorem, Yellow is for mid-level, Orange represents the next level, and Red is for the most absurd levels of conspiracy theory. The Red entries also get awarded an official Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.

Click Here for Part 1, Part 2

'Mallard' on Rice
The comic strip "Mallard Fillmore" on Feb. 7 made reference to critics of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, "Thanks for showing your true colors when you questioned my ability . . . in terms oft employed by sad bigots."

Why shouldn't people criticize Rice? She has done an abymsal job. As Americans, we have the right to criticize our leaders when they do a bad job. This is not a gulag, after all, in which such criticism would be punishable. Also, playing the race card - that is, one cannot criticize her without being called a bigot - is pretty pathetic."Mallard Fillmore" is bemoaning the First Amendment right of Americans to criticize while enjoying that same protection of free speech in its extremely partisan, often dishonest, right-wing commentary. Just as egregious is
"Fillmore's" inference that, by criticizing the administration, one is not being "true blue" and loyal. Get real; this is still America.

Miriam Chua - Huntington

Re" Bush plan for your benefits" [News, Feb. 3]:
Once again, President George W. Bush is creating a crisis to further his agenda intended to help the rich get richer. As he did with the phantom weapons of mass destruction, Bush is attempting to strike fear into the hearts of Americans by painting a bleak picture of their future. There is no impending crisis regarding the future of Social Security.

According to the Social Security Administration itself, the system can meet 100 percent of its obligations for the next 37 years. As long as the American public allows itself to be misguided by fear, our president will continue to promote his self-serving agendas.
Douglas Dittko - Manorville

Bush and steroids
Jose Canseco's assertion that George W. Bush must have been aware of steroid use during his tenure as the owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team may go far in explaining Bush's foreign policy ["Dubya: No way, Jose" [Sports, Jan. 8]. From a National Institutes of Health article: "Steroids may provoke manic symptoms, such as aggression, euphoria, grandiose beliefs, and reckless behavior." Perhaps Bush is suffering from 'roid rage.
Arthur Aaronson - Brooklyn

Dems can't move to right
The Democrats cannot give in to the pressure to move to the right. This anti-worker, anti-poor, anti-adult life administration will continue to push people to the left and we should be there when it happens. (Editors note: for this push to the left please see the 1996,2000,2002, and 2004 election results...coming soon 2006 and 2008, the writer must be holding the results upside down...also note the use of the term "anti-adult life" what about being pro-baby life?)
TonyPalladino - Glendale

Monday, February 14, 2005

Airport Insecurity

Update: Airline workers at Liberty Airport arrested for smuggling cocaine
Update: Maryland man hangs out in Liberty Airport janitor closet

"The knife was in a cluttered handbag,"
- TSA spokesperson

A screener at Newark's Liberty International Airport was removed after a passenger with a 7 or 8 inch butcher knife in her purse was allowed to pass through security. She remembered the knife after being cleared and later told airport officials. The lady had stuffed the knife in her purse "just in case", prior to a blind date earlier in the week. No word if her blind date failed to detect it as well.

"The knife was in a cluttered handbag...It was characterized to me as difficult to detect" Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman Ann Davis told The Sunday Star-Ledger of Newark. That quote sends chills down my spine and should make people upset about the lack of security at an airport which was used by the 9/11 hijackers. We can only hope that a future terrorist carries tidy carry-on bags.

The screener was not fired, but will be retrained....

Which of the following are not allowed on an airplane:
A) bomb
B) fingernail clippers
C) butcher knife
D) All the above

Top 10 Saudi Valentines

Top 10 Saudi Valentines
Even though religious leaders ban it, many Saudis celebrate Valentine's Day. But fatwas aside, V-day is a time to show your special someone(s) you care and that love trumps all. In that spirit, women may not be able to vote or walk aside their husbands; nevertheless, they still want a card to let them know they are loved.
Difficulty: Very Easy

Top 10 Saudi Valentines

10) Love is never having to pay for your facial reconstruction... - Allah Ackbar
9) Roses are red, Violets are blue, Walk 3 feet behind me or I will whip you. - The Man
8) Infidels blood is red; Your burka is blue; Here is a suicide bomb belt;made just for you - The Man
7) Violets are blue, roses are red Cover that ankle, or you'll soon be dead - TheRatHunter
6) You’ve shown me what it means to careYou filled all my desiresTo honor you I change your oilAnd pressurize your tires - SlowBoat407
5) I hit you once..I hit you twice..By Allah, I'll hit you thrice... I Love You - Allah Ackbar
4) Roses are red. Violets are blue. Praise be to Allah. I have four of you - peyton randolph
4) Roses are red. Violets are blue. Praise be to Allah. I have four of you. When I am dead and my life is thru. Praise be to Allah, I'll have seventy two. - ALinArleta
3) Is that a beheading knife in your caftan, or are you just happy to see me? - Solamente
2) Brown is our camel, tan is our goat I'd like to give nookie, if you only used soap - highnoon

and the #1 Saudi Valentine is:
1) The Imam has spoken:
"Don't follow the cult of the Cupid."
He says it's Satanic and evil and stupid.
To dote on our women and ply them with roses?
It don't make no sense since we covered their noses.

Such odd behaviour is against our good nature.
Our hearts belong to our wooly mammals
no matter what the nomenclature
we need no special day to walk a mile for our camels. - Snagglepuss

Next Caption Contest: Thursday 2/17

Friday, February 11, 2005

Caption The Moment

Caption The Terry Tribute
The Dems held a tribute to the former DNC Head Terry McAuliffe, he will truly be missed. Under his watch the dems lost the House, the Senate, and the White House (the political Triple Crown). He will be replaced by Howard "The Scream" Dean, a move applauded by Karl Rove and Republicans everywhere.
Difficulty Level: Easy

Top Entries:
10) Mr. Clinton, in appreciation of you dedicated service, I present you with our oldest daughter, Beth. - Baynative
9) "Terry, can you tell Bill she's not 18?" - anonymous_user
7) Hey Terry don't be down. I tell you what, do you want to wear my magic hat that I got while running guns to a almost non-existant communist group in Cambodia? It was autographed by Bill Buckner after the 1986 World Series. I sometimes wear it while I am crawling on my belly, with my shotgun, through the brush on Cape Cod hunting 16-point bucks. - The Man
6) Kerry and Terry: "Dean went out with a scream, we both went out with a girlish whimper." - Sobek
5) Is this really what the DNC has turned into?Perverts, loosers, and fraudsters. - mnehrling
4) GIRL:"Mr President, do you have any tips on how to be great DNC intern?" - frogjerk
3) "Bill, Hillary called. She said this showed up at the door and she's yours.""Wow, what a great Valentine's Gift.""She's your love child sir." - GOP and College
2) Terry: "I can't believe it. We lost the White House, we lost the Congress, and we're about to lose the Supreme Court."
Kerry: "Don't forget all the state governors we lost."
Terry: "You're not helping."
Kerry: "And those elections in Iraq, man, those were a doozy."
Terry: "I SAID you're not helping, John!" - Sobek

and the #1 entry:
1) Kerry: "I know your time has been one dismal failure after another, but if it makes you feel any better, you're going to look like a political genius compared to the next guy." - Sobek

Next Caption Contest
Top 10 Saudi Valentines (Monday - 11am)

Photoshop Entries
(The Man)
Bill: To have and to hold, uhh, of course I do.
Hillary: BILL -- WAKEUP!!!
Bill: A dream? Oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?

Previous Caption Contests
The Ex-Presidents Caption Contest
Konfirmation Kaption Kontest
Here's Your Sign Caption Contest
Caption Hill-n-Bill
Chappaquiddick Caption Contest
The People's Choice
Caption Kerry
Dirty Dog Caption Contest
Holiday Caption Contest
Saddam -a- GoGo
Caption Hillary - Part 1

Thursday, February 10, 2005

IMAO has developed the latest in Blog-Gear.

NY City Council's History Lesson

In a city that forces employers away due to the high cost of unions, labor, taxes, and over regulation, why would a City Council pile on another hurdle for companies who want to do business with New York? Hearings will begin next week over a piece of legislation that would require city contractors to reveal if, at some point in their company history had anything to do with slavery. The legislation would not make the company pay any reparations or affect whether it gets the contract or not, yeah right. Be sure that once it is made public, a company that had anything to do with slavery would be forced out of jobs in favor of ones who might not have the burden of history on their back or grease the right wheel. Slavery was a horrible injustice that ended 140 years ago, why should companies, whose employees are generations removed from that plight, be forced to bear this responsibility? What action will the council do for the workers for these companies, of all ethnicities? Who is going to feed their children when their company is forced out of a job because a shady dealing hundreds of years ago?

"We're hoping that these hearings will bring to light the fact that there had been a history of slavery in this city, that there are some corporations that might have been a part of that history,"
Councilman Bill Perkins (D-Manhattan).

On the heels of this, a companion bill calls on Mayor Bloomberg to establish a commission in order to study the issue of slavery reparations for African-Americans. Mayor Bloomberg is up for reelection this year and has recently courted the African-American vote. This is a blatant strong-arm tactic to make Bloomy choose, if he does not support this, the council members will call him a racist and he will not carry the African-American vote. To be fair, they also asked councilman Gifford Miller (D) to support it as well. Miller is one of the Democratic front-runners in the race for mayor. The year is 2005, to inject slavery into election year politics is incongruous.

This is a slippery slope to be on. Already other council members from both sides of the aisle are calling these actions out. Councilmember Peter Vallone Jr. (D-Queens) made a valid point when he stated "sounds like an attempt to help trial lawyers get evidence to start lawsuits." James Oddo (R-Staten Island) suggested that the bill should also look at injustices done to Irish-Americans and Italian-Americans.

(Source - NY Post)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Jack Bauer is a Sissy

The following was a PSA aired prior to this week's episode of 24:

"Hi. My name is Kiefer Sutherland. And I play counter-terrorist agent Jack Bauer on Fox's 24. I would like to take a moment to talk to you about something that I think is very important. Now while terrorism is obviously one of the most critical challenges facing our nation and the world, it is important to recognize that the American Muslim community stands firmly beside their fellow Americans in denouncing and resisting all forms of terrorism. So in watching 24, please, bear that in mind."

You mean to tell me that I could have seen that stupid P-Diddy Diet-Pepsi commercial one more time, instead I had to listen to Jack Bauer inform me that American Muslims are not bad. A friend of mine text-messaged me stating: "I was about to start killing muslims until Kiefer cleared things up just then".

CAIR and the Muslim Public Affairs Council wanted to address the depiction of the Turkish muslim family that is part of a sleeper cell in America hell-bent on creating a nuclear meltdown. The groups were concerned this portrayal would create a bias against American Muslims. This PSA was an insult to non-muslims because these muslim groups assumed that non-muslims would be angered by the plot in 24 and go out for some American-style retribution. Hello, we know Jack Bauer will either defuse the bomb, kill all the ninjas, cut off a fellow agent's arm, or even kill all the bad muslims to save the day. It's not like we believe anything we see on 24, it is a TV show. Radical muslims plotting terror in America is about the only thing realistic on 24. Where was the PSA during season three stating that not all drug cartels want to release a deadly virus in America? How about a PSA from the Governor Schwarzenegger stating that California is a safe place to live, there are no nuclear bombs detonating, and the state counter-terrorism units are not plagued by infighting, incompetence, and moles.

In the end, I will continue to follow 24's absurd plot lines for another season. I think caving in to these groups and airing that PSA was insulting. What do you think?

(Jack Bauer is an equal-opportunity ass-kicker)

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Newsday Letters To The Editor - Part 2

This weekend my fiancé asked why I had not asked her to subscribe to Newsday, I told her I don't want a subscription to that rag and added that I wouldn't even wipe my butt with a copy of Newsday. The only reason to read the paper is the "Letters to the Editor", section which can be read and mocked for free online, and makes me wonder if my neighbors are stranger than I thought.

I have now added a new feature, the conspiracy-meter. Titles colored green represents low levels of conspiracy theorem, Yellow is for mid-level, Orange represents the next level, and Red is for the most absurd levels of conspiracy theory. The Red entries also get awarded an official Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.

Click Here for Part 1

No Answer
Is there anyone in the mainstream media who is willing to stand up to the Bush administration?
(editors note: huh
?) Having to hear these last few days about how the Iraqi elections were a victory for President George W. Bush has made me sick.
Just because elections were held does not take away from the fact that this war was illegal and unnecessary. With tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi people already killed and with tens of thousands more likely to die from disease, having elections is not the answer to their problems. Getting the people of Iraq food, water and medicine, and removing U.S. troops from their country is what these people need (editors note: Like the UN Oil For Food program?). It is obvious that our troops are not wanted there, but Bush does not care about that. Making sure that he can get his hands on their oil is his only priority.
Adam Williamson-Baiting Hollow

The Costs of War
Is it America's mission to forcibly bring democracy to a world that lives with differing political beliefs? Given that ours is a freer and more equitable way of life, why can we not proslytize our advantages peacefully. Even if we bring a measure of democracy, and that is not necessarily freedom, the cost in human suffering is shattering (editors note: I guess "life" under Saddam was better?)...
Arthur Gottlieb-Rockville Centre

State of the Union
President George W. Bush's take on Iraq with rose-colored glasses and his fatalistic scare tactics about Social Security are what we have come to expect from this president. But what frightens me the most was the end of his speech when he seemed to look right into the camera and warn the Iranian citizens that, if they don't behave themselves, we may just have to go in and liberate them, too. (editors note: "And to the Iranian people, I say tonight: As you stand for your own liberty, America stands with you." (Applause))
Chris Tomicick-Merrick

Social Security
Has George W. Bush not noticed that the term Social Security includes the word security?
Ross Rosenfeld; Martin Melkonian; Denward W. Collins III-Woodbury
(editors note: It took 3 guys to come up with this letter?)

Oil Depletion and Tsunami
Does the depletion of oil from our earth have anything to do with the tsunami disaster?Did the plates deep in earth shift because of a vacuum created by the depletion? And how is the oil being replaced?
Stella Good-Bellerose.

Mallard Fillmore (2/7/05)

Click Here to find out who Bull Connor was.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Generation Duuhh - Part 2


My sister works at a test-prep company and has sent over a few examples of essays written by kids trying to get into college. I am starting to wonder if letting these kids invest in their own social security might be a bad idea.

The student was instructed to expand on the following quote: "You don't know what you have until it's gone." This one sounds like the student has taken a page from John Kerry's book by covering every possible position. If this kid doesn't pan out as a rocket scientist, a career in politics may be a possibility. Click on the image for a larger view.

Preface: They are nuanced

Translation: We often appreciate the things we have, not when we gain them, but when we lose them. I agree but also disagree with the statement. Over the next I will explain why.

Statement 1: They agree

Translation: First, I agree with this statement through the time I loss something. My mother had her first goradge sale. She had many of my old toys out for sale. Including some toy trucks I aquired. I never knew how much I liked them in till they were gone.

Statement 2:They disagree

Translation: I disagree with this statement through a expericene of the satifacitory of saving for a bike. I appreciated that bike so much because I saved and earned it.

Statement 3: They agree and disagree

Translation: Lastly, I agree and disagree with this statement. Through Christmass. I had wanted a dirt bike so badly. Then I got one. I had alot of fun with it. Well few years later I sold it and had wished I didn't.

Click Here for the whole essay

Other Links
Generation Duuhh - Part 1

Super Caption Contest

The Ex-Presidents Caption Contest


"That guy should be wearing stripes, too."

Photoshop Entries:
(The Man)
Clinton: So what does "BJ" stand for?

Previous Caption Contests
Konfirmation Kaption Kontest
Here's Your Sign Caption Contest
Caption Hill-n-Bill
Chappaquiddick Caption Contest
The People's Choice
Caption Kerry
Dirty Dog Caption Contest
Holiday Caption Contest
Saddam -a- GoGo
Caption Hillary - Part 1

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Welcome Spanish Visitors

Welcome readers of the Spanish website elmundo!

Also seen on Sin Papel (Peru) blog here and here
and on the sidebar at trebol-a
From Portugal, DN Online - (Hat Tip - Jam)

Are They Kidding? - Part 2

The Army soldier, who won international press coverage becoming the latest hostage held in Iraq before being rescued on Wednesday, spent last night in the VIP box at the State of the Union. Army soldier, John Adam accompanied by his wife, sat next to Safia Taleb al-Souhail who recently voted in Iraq. Adam was released in a daring raid on a terrorist compound by a team of American Special forces north of Mosul.

NY Post Cartoon (2/3/05)

State Of The Union

As I watched the president's speech last night, I was amazed at how much we have and will accomplish over the next 4 years. From freeing a region to saving social security, President Bush has his plate full. Democrats tried to become even more irrelevant, but Bush would not let them. He has reached out and provided programs that are ambitious and deals with issues that both sides of the political spectrum can be proud of.
We will not set an artificial timetable for leaving Iraq, because that would embolden the terrorists and make them believe they can wait us out. We are in Iraq to achieve a result: a country that is democratic, representative of all its people, at peace with its neighbors, and able to defend itself. And when that result is achieved, our men and women serving in Iraq will return home with the honor they have earned.
I loved the Presidents slap at the Kennedy-al-Zarqawi branch of the Democratic party with the above quote. But nothing topped the presentation of the family of the Sergeant Byron Norwood, who then were hugged by Safia Taleb al-Souhail. Chuck Shumer (D-NY) admitted there was not a dry eye in the room at that moment. Overall, I think it was one of Bush's best timed and presented speeches, one that kicked off on of the most ambitious second term agenda's ever.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Are They Kidding?

Iraqi militants have threatened to behead, what appears to be a toy soldier named "Cody", if American troops do not release all Iraqi prisoners within 72 hours. Word from the front is that Cody is being tortured.

In response, here at GOP and the City, we have another offer for the terrorists. Here is a picture of an insurgent leader we captured in Iraq. If Abu Musab al-Zarqawi does not surrender to American troops within 72 hours, we will behead her. The clock is ticking. God willing, we will spill her blood if we do not get what we want.

The US Army has announced that a rescue operation is underway for the missing soldier. Here is a photo of the rescue team released to the press pool. Good luck brave soldiers! Stay Tuned....

(hat tip - israellycool)

Other links
Backcountry Conservative has the story covered
Blogs For Bush is also on it
Command Post
Cynical Nation
Moderate Voice
Six Meat Buffet notes that the terrorist have seen Team America
In The Bullpen
Outside The Beltway
New England Republican
Sundries Shack has the mother of all titles
King of Fools notes that even CBS thinks this is a fake
You know Day by Day loves this story
Life like Pundits know where to turn for breaking news
The girlfriend of the missing soldier speaks out

Thought of the day: Confederate Yankee notes that Zarqawi has joined forces with Cobra. I find it sad that Cobra spent many years fighting the infidel, GI Joe. He used lasers, even ninjas and never even wounded a single infidel soldier. Now some terrorist was able to nab a real GI Joe soldier and is using the internet to publicize it.