Thursday, December 30, 2004

Dirty Dog Caption Contest

Two women, Rose Skorge, 34, and Catherina Scalia, 38 were busted by cops on Long Island for offering sexual activity from the back of their mobile hot dog stand. According to the reports, the women would proposition customers when they visited the stand. On a tip (or referral), undercover cops visited the truck and Ms. Scalia said she would expose her breast for $50. When the officer refused she then threw in various sexual favors for the same $50. The two women were later arrested; there is also an investigation into why this particular hot dog stand was given 5 stars in the 2005 Zagat restaurant guide.

New York Post Article
Newsday Article

Winner
Shawn

If you think that Japanese kid could suck down weiners at Coney Island, wait 'til you get a load of us!

Takeru Kobayashi, the 132-pound lightweight/heavyweight who ate 53.5 hotdogs in 12 minutes. His nickname, "The Tsunami". Time to come up with another nickname.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Eats, Shoots, and Loses



John Kerry: Our 44th President
This book is listed on Barnes and Noble's website as costing $28.50 and will be released in March of 2005. According to Blogs For Bush, production has been cancelled. No word if Hillary Clinton: Our Fourty-Fourth President will be released instead.

File this under the Kiddie section, as the age level is listed at ages 9-12 on Amazon.com.

(Amazon.com)

Hat Tip - Blogs for Bush

It's Official...again

Bush Wins Ohio...again

The final recount in Ohio has been completed and John Kerry is still a loser. The recount results, reported by the AP, has Kerry gaining 734 votes and Bush gaining 449 votes in the recount for a net gain in Kerry's favor of 285 votes. Instead of losing by 118,775, Kerry ended up losing Ohio by 118,490 votes.

The recount cost taxpayers $1,500,000 which is $5,263 per recounted vote.

Here is the revised map of the 2004 election:


Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Holiday Caption Contest

Holiday Caption Contest




Winner
Sobek
I understand, Santa, but if you're going to fly into Blue State airspace wearing that outfit, you're going to have problems.



Yes, in "Blue States" Santa must pay equal homage to the festivals of Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, and Festivus. The ACLU also noted that his reindeer were to masculine sounding, so Vixon was replaced by Sally and Donner is now Donna due to a transgender issue. Imagine a multi-cultural Santa wearing a yarmulke, airing grievances, while lighting the Kwanzaa candles.
This quote reminds me of a scene in Canadian Bacon where John Candy and his armed pals were "invading" Canada in a garbage truck with "Die Canada" and other insults painted on the side. A Canadian police officer pulls them over and informs them that in Quebec, all signs must be in both English and French. He then helps them spray paint "Die Canada" en francais and sends them on their way.

Honorable Mention
Me
'Twas the night before Christmas', when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that ST. NICHOLAS soon would be there;
While the kids all slept with their eyes closed shut;
Christmas was canceled, The FAA had grounded Santa's fat butt.


Santa then booked a flight on Comair and all the presents ended up in Philly, Santa was grounded in Cleveland.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Blue State Bigotry On Sale


The sellers of these bigoted t-shirts are putting them on sale in time for Christmas. Ho Ho Ho, they are also offering free shipping...from their New York apartment address. I wonder if they are having problems moving their products, since they had to cut prices 25%? You see, bitching about the 2004 election is so 2004. In all, 99% of America has moved on to complaining about the weather or how the Red Sox still suck. The other 1% are morons, or someone trying to sell morons a lame-ass t-shirt.
As for the "Red State Redneck" shirt, I have met the biggest redneck of all time. Alas, it was not while I was growing up outside of Nashville. No, not even when I was going to college in a hick-town in rural West Tennessee. Not until I moved to New York did I meet this "Blue State Redneck". He was sporting acid-washed cutoff blue jean shorts, a NASCAR t-shirt, and a rat-tail/mullet-thing I have yet to fully comprehend. I could only understand every third word that came out of his blue-state mouth, but I did pick up that he was making fun of my southern accent (nice "New York Neckwarmer" buddy).

Photoshop Entries

Original

Photoshop Results

1) Sobek



2) Bassfire



3) The Man


4) Matt Margolis


5) Russ -notice "Angry Bert" is now Kerry...


6) add925

7) speedaddiction

8) Dan


9) atomicpossum

10) johnny g


Honorable Mention

(Sobek)

(Echo Talon)

(Echo Talon)

(The Man)

(The Man)

(Pusterfuss)

(J, L, CR & TJ MORRISON)

(GOP&College)

(GSEWE)

Monday, December 20, 2004

Group Protests Election Results...For Tennessee?

''The presidential election was tampered with, if not stolen outright, even here in Tennessee it's clear that (President George W.) Bush had a lot of support here, but it's not clear that he had enough support to warrant a 17% margin of victory.'' - Bernie Ellis (idiot)

It was a cold weekend in Nashville and I was in town to visit friends and family. As we toured the Ryman and browsed around the gift shops, a group (a few blocks away) was protesting the 2004 election results for Tennessee. Another protester was there in support of the Constitution party and their problems getting on some ballots. In all, just 75 people came out to protest and The Tennessean gave these idiots a story. Where is the story about the estimated 5,841,673 Tennesseans who did not come out to protest?

CNN reports that Bush is still leading John Kerry (in Tennessee) by an impressive 348,761 votes with 100% of the precincts reporting. Bush leads the Constitution party candidate by 1,379,414 votes.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Am I Going To Hell?

Al Gore's mother died. She was 92 and lived a long and productive life. She did give us Al Gore, so she was not perfect. In honor of her, The Tennessean put out a forum for people to pay their respects to Momma Gore. I posted this:



Am I going to hell? Post your comments below.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Saddam -a- GoGo

Caption a Dictator Contest

Winner
Sobek
Maybe it's for the best that Mark Geragos didn't return my calls.


Monday, December 13, 2004

For Sale: Bush Monkey Art



Having trouble finding something to buy for that special loved one? Boy, do we have the gift for you. For only $3,500 you can have a copy of Chris Savido's "Bush Monkeys". This fine work of art is painted on a small acrylic on canvas using monkeys swiming in a marsh to form the face of President Bush.

Bush-haters have officially gone from angry to out-right loony.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Caption Hillary - Part 1

Caption Hillary Contest

Winner
Shawn
Hillary: "Eww . . . tastes like Monica."


Check back for another contest starting on Tuesday!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

My Favorite Link



In Jimmy's last column, he predicted a big John Kerry win: "So I go to bed with total confidence. ... And I leave today as the only one in America who from the start was sure John Kerry would win by a large margin,"

Alas, you can still find his name on the Newsday website. Click on the picture above to see what comes up. I love it.