Tuesday, October 26, 2004

You are so Liberal if... Part 7

It's the final Tuesday before the election, which means this will be the final installment of YSL. This post is dedicated to the people were upset because FTD would not deliver a "get well" basket to Castro. One week to go until my mailbox is free of fundraising letters. This is my first time voting in New York since I moved here two years ago. I will cast my vote for George W. Bush, which will leave us only 5 or so million votes shy of taking New York. Get out there and cast your vote for Bush no matter where you live. Also, make sure to remind your liberal friends that the election was moved to Wednesday so it would not interfere with NBC's Law and Order: SVU.

Next week I will post my favorites from the previous posts. Many thanks to Kerry Haters, STCA, Kitty Litter, Sobek, KdeWeb, Scary Kerry, and others for linking to my previous posts.

If you believe that John Kerry: spent Christmas in Cambodia, has a magic hat, saw a 16-point buck on Cape Cod, crawls on his belly to hunt with a shotgun, released all his medical records, went to the 1986 World Series, had a flying dog, voted for the $87 billion before he voted against it, likes Buckeye football, will cure all diseases, met with foreign leaders, will have the lame walk, does not own an SUV, has a plan, wrote a book about the war on terror, met with the entire security council, has only one position on Iraq, flew an Israeli fighter jet nearly into Egyptian airspace then did a loop, ran the Boston Marathon, was in Vietnam when Martin Luther King was shot, and is truthful to the American people...you might be a liberal.

If your network planned to run a bogus story on the Sunday before the election to influence the results, but refuses to release the findings on an investigation into a bogus story because it might influence the results.

If your candidate is asked if he is trying to scare people, answers "no", then brings up the draft that does not exist and tells old people that Mr. Bush will take away their social security checks, you might be a liberal.

You are a liberal if you questioned why we took out Saddam because he had no weapons of mass destruction, except for the missing 400 tons of some of the most explosive material on the planet, which you blame the troops for losing.

If you believe in freedom of speech ……unless someone comes along and has the audacity to disagree with you in which case you must go to court to silence them, keep them off of radio and TV, suppress the videos, ban the books and, if its Ralph Nader, keep him off the ballot.
(Hat Tip - dLindlar)

You are a liberal if your Global Test includes meetings with the Security Council that did not take place.

If you were closer to Cambodia during the Christmas of 1968, than you were to Bill Buckner during the 1986 World Series in New York, you might be a liberal.

If you try to suppress free speech with a couple of pies, you might be a liberal.

If you are against suppressing people's right to vote, unless they are Republicans in Florida who have the nerve to vote for Bush, you are a liberal.

If you still care what Al Gore has to say...

If you think it is OK for US soldiers to die in support of and under command of the corrupt United Nations but not in defense of the United States of America, liberal.
(Hat Tip - dLindlar)

You are a liberal if you were one of the tens of people who rallied with Moveon.org and Rosie O'Donnell.

If you would be shocked if Bush mentioned Elizabeth Edwards when covering obesity, but have not problem with Kerry and Edwards mentioning Mary Cheney, you might be a liberal.

FINALLY.... If after 4 years of bitching about losing in 2000, millions of dollars spent trashing our president, countless books and movies spreading half-truths and lies, a rock tour dedicated to get your candidate elected, three debates, almost every well known celebrity endorsement, "another Vietnam", the most money ever raised for a political campaign, union thugs, thousands of dead new voters, the old news media spewing the most unabashed liberal bias ever seen, and your candidate is still 5 points behind and heading into the election having to drag out a cardiac patient to shore up the African-American vote. You might be a liberal.

Disclaimer: These entries are a joke. You do not have to be liberal to fall under these entries. Not all liberals subscribe to these ideals. To be fair, a "You're so righty" forum also was created (posts to date: 26). I am not a professional nor do I claim to be, if you turn out to be a liberal, seek immediate, professional help. If you base your political ideals on a song, celebrity's opinion, bumper sticker, TV show, cartoon, movie, or blog entry you are a moron and should move to Boston.