Tuesday, October 12, 2004

You are so Liberal if... Part 5

Behold, the 5th installment of the You Are So Liberal newsletter, YASL if you must. Election day is only a few weeks away and if you made the news for urinating on a Bush sign, you still need to read these posts. But, if you fracture your wrist trying to hold back union thugs from ransacking party headquarters, you are fine by me. You need this post if you've registered your dead great-grandmother to vote this year. But, if your twin sister failed to register in the battleground state of New Jersey...sorry sis, I had to. John Kerry may have stated "no new taxes", Bush is hawking wood, and your Bush/Cheney yard sign is probably not where you placed it; there is one thing you can count on, You are so liberal Tuesday.

Tune in next Tuesday for the sixth installment, feel free to email me additions or enter them in the comments.

A little liberal Haiku for you:
Libs up to no good
Voters will re-elect Bush
Do you want some wood

If you are upset with a teacher in New Jersey for displaying a picture of the president on her wall, but have no problem with the teacher who forced a class to watch Fahrenheit 9/11, you might be a liberal.

If you registered to vote....35 times, You might be a liberal.

You're so liberal if you are selling t-shirts on Ebay that read, "I supported Saddam Hussein against America, and all I got was an oil voucher and this lousy t-shirt".

If expressing your political ideals involves gunshots, urination, or intimidation, you might be a liberal.

You are a liberal if you equate terrorism with hos and bookies.

If you still think John Edwards "held his own" during the VP debates, you are a liberal in utter denial.

If you tried to buy wood from George W. Bush, you might be a liberal.

If your candidate is still pandering to secure the black vote, with only a couple of weeks before the election, you might be in trouble.

You might be a liberal if you insist on passing the Galactic Test before committing any unilateral action, including eating crackers in bed, singing in the shower or taking a wiz.
(Hat Tip - Scarey Kerry)

If you have to send your running mate to a New Jersey (which Gore won by 16 points), twice in two weeks, you might be a liberal.

You're so liberal if you feel bad for Kerry and his "war wounds". Just because you realize how much those shrapnel wounds to the buttocks will hurt after the election results come in.

You might be a liberal if you can decry the lack of adequate health care for everyone after you have made your fortune on frivolous medical personal injury class action lawsuits that put even good doctors out of business.
(Hat Tip - Scarey Kerry)

If you believe the 2nd Amendment is about hunting, you are a liberal.
(Hat Tip - AmericanMade1776)

If you think guns are only for the protection of liberals, then you might be a liberal.

If you believe that businesses create oppression and but governments create prosperity... you might be a liberal.
(Hat Tip - kinsman redeemer)

You can find some of these and many more in the forums at Mighty Righty.

Disclaimer: These entries are a joke. You do not have to be liberal to fall under these entries. Not all liberals subscribe to these ideals. To be fair, a "You're so righty" forum also was created (posts to date: 26). I am not a professional nor do I claim to be, if you turn out to be a liberal, seek immediate, professional help. If you base your political ideals on a song, celebrity's opinion, bumper sticker, TV show, cartoon, movie, or blog entry you are a moron and should move to Boston.